Who Auditions Best?

Once upon a time

A woman named Martha

Lead a team of researchers

In figuring out why some people interview better than others.

Why

When hundreds, or even thousands of candidates

All line up to interview for one specific job

Do some stand out over others?

And the results?

Well

Turns out

The people who interview best

Are the people who genuinely care for the role they are interviewing for

Simple enough

But a question that sprouted from the research which plagued Martha was

Why are so many people trying to get a job they don’t really care about?

This question caused Martha to change careers

From recruiting

To helping people move in the direction of work they actually loved

Meaningful careers where they are lead by their internal compass

Rather than spending exhausting years

Or even decades

Doing what they believe they should do.

When I first got curious about this concept

I pulled out my notebook

And looked at the previous five years of auditions

346.

Self tapes, auditions & call backs

In other words

346 interviews

(Side note - this was during my early twenties and included both my Australian & American representation)

However

Out of those 346 auditions

I noticed that I only really cared about 10

And by “really”

I mean I believed with every part of my being

That I needed to play that part

Something in my body just knew I had to do it

And my behaviour followed suit

They were interviews I gave everything to

The late nights, or early morning

The working with coaches, the warming up, the following of curiosity

It just flowed

There simply was no other way

I was doing what I needed to do

To get where I needed to get

So I could give what I was feeling called to give.

And out of those 10 auditions that I really cared about

Interestingly

I actually got 5

So

Roughly speaking

When I really cared about at audition

I had a pretty damn high strike rate

But the other 336 auditions that I didn’t really care about?

3%

To be clear

When I went for interviews I didn’t really care about

I had a 3% strike rate

Mmm

Go for work I really care about and truly want?

50% strike rate

Go for work I don’t really care about and don’t really want?

3% strike rate

Okay

So

The question becomes…

Why the heck am I going for so many things that I don’t truly want?

Ever since noticing this

I have continued to ask myself this question

And yet

Years later

I continue to show up

Show up to things that I don’t truly want

Show up to things that don’t make me feel alive

Show up to things that don’t excite me

Why?

Several reasons

Sometimes

I just feel the urge to play in the reality of our industry

Rather than sitting in my lounge feeling like a stale potato

There’s a yearning to just give something in the room again

Sounds fair enough

However

There are other times

Where maybe I feel like I need to remind casting directors I’m alive

(Sounds like fear is driving this one)

And sometimes

I’m afraid that my agent might forget about me

Or stop sending me things or not bother putting me up for roles

(Sounds like fear is driving this one too)

Now

In this day and age

Just to have an opportunity

That’s pretty bloody wonderful

But

I can’t ignore what makes me feel alive

And sometimes

Something gets sent through

And after months of feeling like a sloth

My body wakes up

No one needs to tell me what to do

Or when to do it

I just dive in

With presence, joy and care

And I know I can’t be alone in this

If I’m noticing that I’m turning up to the vast majority of auditions

For reasons other than being obsessed with the role

Or feeling that deep call to go give everything

Then it’s likely

Other actors are doing this too

Auditioning because of factors other than their love for the role itself

They feel they should because…

They are afraid that if they don’t, their agent will drop them

They are afraid that if they don’t, the casting director won’t want to see them again

They feel afraid that if they don’t, they won’t know how else to pay rent in a few weeks time

And maybe

They feel they need to because they want out of the life or situation they have

And getting that random role on that random show with change things

It will change their living situation, financial situation, maybe even their relationship situation

Classic “when I, then I”

“When I get that role

Then my life will be okay”

I say all this

But at the end of the day

If I’m being honest

I know

I’m going to keep doing this

I’m going to have moments where I chase the result rather than the process

I’m going to rock up because the pay check is just too tempting or needed during that chapter of my life

I’m going to want to get that job filming on an island for two weeks because it will provide a little window of escape from the day-to-day

And I think the words that I’m missing here are

“And that’s okay”

Yes I’m an actor

But more importantly

I’m a human being

And life as a human is not black or white

It’s grey

It’s complex, messy, confusing and glorious

But I really notice sometimes fear drives the yearning to have some kind of a perfect career

A clean, straight and golden trajectory

Some kind of perfect IMDB page with perfect job after perfect job

I have to be honest

I’m a little surprised

When I started typing this morning

I thought I was going to head in the direction of giving oneself permission to only audition for the jobs you truly feel called to

And of course - that’s still an option

And maybe still a wonderful chapter for you to explore if you feel ready for it

But I’ve surprisingly ended up somewhere pretty grey

Somewhere…

Where maybe there’s a bit more permission for the complexities of having an artistic career as a human.

Hope this helps

X

Hustle Like An Actor

“In order to make it in this industry

You have to hustle!”

A thught that has brought my body copious amounts of stress over the last 15 years

Especially during particular moments or chapters

Right after graduating from drama school

Or moments of stagnancy where I saw nothing on the horizon

Or when comparing myself to a friend or colleague who seemed to be leaving me behind in their dust

Yup

Those moments where fear took over the steering wheel

Moments where I believed it was time to push

Time to should

Time to “get after it!”

To me

The idea of “hustling”

Raises connotations of sleazy behaviour

Forcing my way into work or relationships

Behaving how I think I should

Rather than how I truly want to

Fake smiles with people my body doesn’t feel calm around

And I don’t think I’m alone here

“Hustling”

“Networking”

“Building hype on social media”

“Getting after it!”

Seems many actors can allow these cluster of imaginary rules to dictate periods of their career

But

Are they true?

I mean

Are they really true?

In order to have a career

Do I really, really have to hustle?

Curious

Lets break it down a bit

Do I need to have human relationships?

Mmm

Yes

Connections with other humans…

One of the most important factors of our survival as a species

I absolutely need to have relationships with other Homo sapiens in order to have a career

But

Do those relationships have to be dishonest?

No

Of course not

Do those relationships need to be de-energising?

Of course not

Do I need to make it look like I’m busier than I actually am?

So that people around me might think I have more worth than I sometimes feel like a do?

No

If I all I do is live simply

Go for a walk on the headland, spot some whales, read a book, call a friend, check my emails…

And am honest about that

That’s not going to get in the way of me getting work

What about image?

Or dare I say it

“Brand”

Do I need to build a big socil media account in order to make directors, producers or casting directors hire me?

Ugh

Again

No

The best jobs I have ever had happened when I had zero social media

Do I need to attend red carpets, opening nights?

If I really think about it…

No.

The more I explore the question

“Do I have to hustle in order to have a career?”

The more it becomes clear

No

I don’t.

Curious

Who do I become when I believe this thought?

Who am I

Or how do I behave

Or what do I notice happens in my body when I believe that I have to hustle?

If I’m being totally honest

I feel exhausted

I say yes to things I don’t want to
I ignore my impulses or gut reactions

And then regret choices made later down the track

I quiet myself

Numb myself

Turn up to things I don’t want to go to

Put my body in situations it doesn’t want to be in

Laugh at things I don’t find funny

Maintain a serious face when all I want to do is burst out laughing

Contact busy or “important” people just to measure my worth externally

Miss important moments to people ho are important to me just so I can be at some event which I might be seen at

Make it sound like I’m busier than I actually am when people ask what Im up to

“I had a beautiful day, woke up, jumped in the rock pool, saw some whales, read a book, did a couple hours of my job”

Suddenly turns into “just back in the process of auditioning atm”

Even though I haven’t had an audition in 6 weeks

On and on

Exhaustion after exhaustion

Makes sense right

I’m scared

Questions of

Am I enough for the tribe?

Is what I’m contributing to the group simply not enough?

So my body is going to do a bloody beautiful job of trying to protect itself.

What about another question…

What might my life look like

If I let go of that belief?

Who might I be

If I let go of believing that I need to “hustle”

Mmm

Present

Kind

Clear

Clear about the people that are important to me

Clear about the work that’s important to me

Clear about what’s actually worth doing today

I would be honest and open

Even when it’s difficult

Even when it might not make me sound like the busiest actor in the world

I would prioritise things I actually value

Like nature, loved ones, exercise and adventures

I’d go travelling without worrying about missing out on that dream role audition that might happen over those 6 days that I’m gone

I’d relax

I’d sit still

I’d sit deeply on that couch

Let it devour me

Without worrying about needing to jump out of it to check my phone

I’d put the phone in a draw

Just leave it for hours or even days

I’d walk at my pace

Along the beach

Without worrying about needing to take a photo or video so others can see what I’m doing

I’d focus on living things

Rather than objects

I’d stop ordering so much materialistic shit off the internet

I’d walk into that goddam audition

Feeling grateful that I get to play

Rather than trying to get something from the poor casting director

I’d ask the casting director how they are

And mean it

I’d buy someone a book as a gift

I’d look people in the eyes

I’d say than you

I’d ask my colleagues if they need anything

If I can do anything to help them or make their day better

My body would feel light

Unburdened

Free

Alive

I’d feel alive

That’s what I want

I want to let go of hustling

Instead

I want life.

“In order to make it in this industry

You have to hustle!”

Let’s replace this

Mmm

In order to act

I have to live… my way.

That’ll do pig

Hope this helps

X

Hungover On Set

Once upon a time

I had my first regular role on a TV show

And boy was I happy about it

I had friends in the cast

1950’s costumes to wear

And antique cars to drive.

And as the shows antagonist

I got to do a tonne of high conflict scenes with plenty of fight scenes

I was elated when I got the call saying I got the role.

We were shooting out in the country

So I would pack my bags

Head out to shoot for a couple days in the fresh air

Then return to Sydney

And when the show needed me for the next episode

Or block of filming

I would repeat the process.

After a couple of repetitions of this pattern

I began to notice something

After having regular breaks from filming

My first day back into it

Always seemed to feel like a first day

Nerves, fear, angst, pushing

It would take me a day or two to realise that everything was actually okay

And I could simply just focus on the work again

Relax back into things

But then I’d have another week or two or three off

And return with the same jitters

I’ve noticed this a lot over the last few years

The actors who are on set every day

Usually arrive at a place of feeling at home of set

A heck of a lot faster than those who come in an out for a few days at a time

Makes sense I guess

Time in the arena

The brain argues less with the physical experience

The body simply has more proof it can do the thing.

Any way

After three or four repetitions of this pattern

I became frustrated

I would start beating myself up

“Why can’t I just relax!”

Being a 22 year old

Fresh out of drama school

I only really knew one way to take care of my brain

By screaming at it

And if that didn’t work?

I would scream louder

Yep

Good ‘ol do the same thing and expect the same result :)

Then one night

Something changed

The cast and crew

Had finished a day of filming

And were all in the hotel restaurant having dinner

When we were informed about some tragic news

(Which, for privacy’s sake, I won’t go into)

But it became clear

That an early bed time was not going to happen.

The group slowly started to make it’s way to the big stone fireplace in the corner

Where some sat on chairs

Others sat on the floor

And we came together

We stayed up way passed our bed time

And the bar flowed

As did the stories, songs and connecting

It was like everyone knew

Being together as a group

Was more important than everyone getting their beauty sleep for work the next day

And as the night came to an end

People shared hugs

Long hugs

Longer than the “good night mate” kind of hugs

It was more like the

“Hey, we have each other, and that makes things okay” kind of hugs.

When I got back to my hotel room

I saw my scenes for the next day lying on my table

Maybe it was the tipsiness

Maybe it was a result of the long hugs

But something grabbed my curiosity

And I spent the next hour jumping & flopping around my room

Messing around with the script

Playing with it freely

Just being a dork and letting the silly choices out.

The next morning

When I woke

I was exhausted

Definitely hungover

But strangely

Felt very relaxed about working that day

And after about two takes of the first scene that morning

The director ran up to me with a big smile

“Mate!

What’s gotten into you today!?

Bloody amazing!

Keep playing like that!”

And I thought to myself

“Oh… SHIT”

Yep

I immediately began telling myself the story

“I’m only giving good work…

Because I’m hungover”

Now

Let’s call a space a spade

Substances on set

Obviously unprofessional

But on top of that

The reliance on external factors to provide generous work…

Yup

That makes a fragile artist

But

There has to be a silver lining here

Some lessons that are worth stealing

Lessons to help me move forward sustainably

To help me give generous work in a healthy way

Curious…

Drumroll

How to give hungover level work

Without actually being hungover

One

Connection

The evening before that day of filming

I connected with the tribe

There was clarity over what is actually important

(life, relationships, the group of humans trying to survive another day)

There was honesty during a difficult time

There was vulnerability

And there was trust

We had each others backs

Two

Free flowing self expression

Like a jammed up old tap in a house being turned back on for the first time in a while

I let out the brown water

I let the choices flow

No matter how stupid, ugly, gross, murky or silly my egoic mind might have judged them to be

I let them live out in the open

Let them breathe

Rather than keeping them inside

And trying to judge which would work in the safe confines of my mind

Three

Clarity

From exhaustion

Came a situation in which I only had so much energy to give

So

I had to be very clear about what was actually worth caring about

No worrying about what this person said

Or what that person did

Action

Lines, lens, connect with other actor

Cut

Rest

Take direction

Repeat.

To be clear

What did being hungover on set teach me?

What has it inspired in me moving forward?

Connect honestly with my tribe, especially when difficult to do so

Create the time and space to let my body let out all the impulses

No matter how much my brain wants to judge them as good, bad, right or wrong

Let them live

And finally

Get clear about what’s actually worth caring about

Hope this helps

X

No More Work For Actors

1882

A normal year for the hide hunters living in Miles City, Montana

The great bison herds moved through the area during their annual migration

And

Like every year during the previous four decades

Millions of bison were killed

The hunters were doing their job

Collecting the inexhaustible resources

Filling train carriages with hides to be sent to New York City.

One year later

In 1883

The hunters waited eagerly

Ready for another year of normal work

But that year

Something was different

The great herds never came

“Tough year”

They thought.

In 1884

The same thing happened

“Don’t worry - it can’t be over”

They thought.

For several years after the great herds were gone

The hide hunters in Miles City

Continued to wait

Waiting for work to resume like normal.

The work was finished before the workers even knew it had finished.

Time and time again

Industries go through great change

New technologies are invented

Old resources are replaced

We find more efficient or economical options

And workers have to adapt

For those that don’t adapt

Well

They end up sitting in bars

Talking about the good ol days

When work was plentiful

When jobs flowed like wine.

Change is in the air

Years ago

Actors began realising that residual checks weren’t coming through for jobs which were on the biggest streaming platforms in the world

The industry had changed without actors even realising

The great move from cable to streaming

Resulted in seismic systematic shifts which happened right under their noses

And now

We find ourselves in another great time of change

The streaming platforms are scrambling to make a profit

And filming lots across Los Angeles are strangely empty and silent

People are leaving Hollywood

The once great mecca for our industry

Moving to other cities like Austin or London

And many in our industry are experiencing a huge amount of fear

I have friends who are extraordinary at what they do

Once high up at the largest studios in our business

Who find themselves without work

Sitting in job opportunities being so over qualified that even the interviewer feels embarrassed

Man it feels exhausting

Where are the buffalo?

Where do I need to go to find the buffalo?

Do I need to pack my bags (and family)

And head out over the prairie?

Mmm

Lets slow down here

To chase the externals

That just seems unsustainable to me

In 2011

I was told that due to external factors or trends

(My eyes, hair, skin, sex, gender, nationality, sexual preferences etc)

I could have all the buffalo I ever dreamed of

And?

I didn’t find many buffalo during that time.

In 2018

I was told that due to external factors or trends

(My eyes, hair, skin, sex, gender, nationality, sexual preferences etc)

I would not find any buffalo in the years to come

And?

I found more buffalo over the following 18 months than ever before.

What that taught me was that chasing trends is an utter waste of time

To place my worth as an actor

Or sense of security

Into external factors

(In other words: Trying to control the un-controllables)

Simply Unsustainable

But

What if we are not just talking about trends

What if it’s actually a systematic shift that means things will be different forever?

There’s no longer a few tentpole films which everyone goes to see

It’s cheaper to re-run an episode of The Simpsons or Seinfeld than it is to make a new episode of television

Social media is making reality TV redundant

It’s way cheaper to cast a real tradie as a strawberry-milk-drinking-bloke in an advert than it is to pay a drama school graduate to dress up in the same kind of clothes

And no matter how incredible the next acting job is

It’s likely

(Not definite)

But very likely there will be a hundred times the amount of eye balls

Watching a teenager on YouTube dancing in their swim wear

Than there will be on that piece of art that makes it to the most prestigious film festival in the world

The age of attention is influencing our industry in ways we will only realise in years to come

Now

What do we as artists do?

Do we react?

Get out there and protest for change?

Do we respond?

Become producers and work on changing the systems ourselves - Making it the way we would like to?

Do we put blinders on?

Just shut up and go back to making our skills as good as they can be?

Curious

Here’s what I don’t know:

Where the industry will be in 5, 10 or 20 years time

Absolutely no one does

Sure, people have fears, hopes, or can use their imagination to speculate

But no-one really knows.

Now

Here’s what I absolutely believe to be true:

We have made it this far as a species because of two things

Connection and technology

Technology, as we know, is ever changing

More now than ever

The rate of growth is exponential

But what has never changed

Is connection

We still need each other to survive

And one crucial way that has allowed us to connect to each other

Is through the use of meaningful stories

That has certainly never changed

Sure, the ways those meaningful stories are shared has changed

From painting, singing, dancing

To poetry, puppetry and acting

Radio, films, and television

To memes, tiktoks and computer games

But the fact remains

We as actors

Are tools, vessels to be used

For meaningful stories

Which helps the tribe connect

And therefore

Survive

I repeat

We as actors are vessels to be used for meaningful stories which helps the tribe connect and therefore survive.

Where I do feel clear

Is that as long as I keep my focus on providing or contributing to meaningful stories

I’ll still always be able to use the skills I’ve been training up over the last 2 decades

However

Sometimes I notice myself

Behaving in a way

Where I’m wishing the industry was as it use to be

Rather than acknowledging where it actually is.

Like a hide hunter standing on the prairie

Year after year

Staring out over the horizon

Telling himself those millions of bison are just about to arrive,

I find myself romanticising the golden era of film

As if I’m still in the industry that operated like it once did back in the 70’s or 80’s

Or even as recently as 5 years ago.

Interestingly

There were a small handful of those hunters

Who realised that change had arrived

Who began to see the bison in a new light

And despite ridicule or nay-sayers

They adapted to the new conditions

Those few individuals

Whose hands had literally taken thousands of animals

Now became protectors of the great beast

They saw more value in the animal being alive, than dead

They predicted that if people could watch the animal in its natural habitat

Then they would flock from all over the world

To see it living, breathing and stampeding as it had done so for thousands of years.

And 140 years later

The population has grown from less than 100 hundred individual animals

To over 500 000.

What’s my point?

Any time an industry goes through extreme change

There are individuals who take risks

And find a way to make it better

Sure, the first few who smash through that wall often end up bloody

But

I do believe that the best work is ahead of us

We just might not be able to see exactly what that looks like…

Yet.

Curious

I think the industry is waiting for a key few individuals

Like you

To go first

Hope this helps

X

Embarrassment On Set

“Don’t care what others think”

Man this grinds my gears

Caring about what others think is not a bad thing

We are human beings

Homo sapiens

We are biologically designed to care what the tribe thinks

If we are actin the fool and get kicked out of the group

And we are left without the safety of those connections

We might be fending off the beast in the darkness alone

Alone is a very scary thing for a homo sapien

Our strong connections to each other played a crucial role in our survival and evolution as a species

So anything that impacts our connections needs to be respected

It makes so much sense that our brain would want to keep checking in

To keep reminding us to question if we are being accepted

And therefore safe

Within the group.

So

Totally normal

And okay

(And healthy!)

To care what others think

But

That doesn’t mean you have to give up

On doing what you honestly want to do

In the way you’d honestly like to do it

Permission to care about what others think

But also

Permission to still jump off that scary ledge

And give your work, your way

The ones who are most important to you

Will still be there to give you a loving, safe hug

After you’ve just fallen on your face

The colleagues who really know their shit

Will understand and appreciate what it takes to put yourself out there

How do I know this?

Gulp

A story I’ve never told

Which I actually still feel awkward about

(Sweating right now thinking about it)

There was a scene

In a big studio film I was working on

It involved my character having a heart attack

Man, I was terrified about that scene

Several Oscar winners and nominees were on set that day

There were about twenty other cast members all standing around looking at my character in the scene

And I knew

I wanted to give as good of a heart heart attack as I possibly could

I wanted to give the best work

The most generous work

I knew how to give at that point

But

I cared so, so much about what everyone else was thinking

What if I tried and they laughed?

Or whispered behind my back that I was an idiot?

I gulped

And took a step off the ledge

I asked props for some sand bags in my backpack to help me lose my balance more believably when I fell

I did push ups to try exhaust myself so my panicked and struggling breaths might come across more believably

Before the take I was trying to be there in the characters moment before

What was happening in the few minutes before that moment as my character was realising he was having heart troubles whilst trying to keep pace with the rest of his fellow soldiers?

And guess what!!?!?!

The scene sucked

In my opinion

It absolutely sucked

And

What’s worse?

I felt like such a fucking moron for trying

A try-hard

I told myself the story that I was a try hard who just sucked at acting

But

As we walked back for a final take

I felt a hand on my shoulder

It was an Oscar nominee

Someone I really respect in this business and who’s work on screen I just adore

I had my head down facing the dirt

And I heard whispered

In a kind and caring tone

“You’re a really great actor man”

I felt like crying

Now

I know - Lol - I know I was giving terrible work that day

(Just to back up my reading of the situation - The scene was cut from the film)

But I also know

That that particular actor saw that I was - at the very least - taking a risk

I was at least trying

Trying to give everything to the moment

And that was something worth rewarding

I took a leap

I felt I flopped

But a respected colleague came in to remind me how safe I was

Never

Never underestimate the power of a hand on the shoulder

Reminding the body that it’s safe

Safe to play

Safe to be a messy, grey human being

What’s my point?

Permission to care what others think

And

Permission to still go ahead and do you

Those that matter most to you will catch you

Hope this helps

X

Second Most Valuable Skill

Roger Federer

The goat of tennis

Played 1526 singles matches over his career

He won a staggering 80% of those matches

But

How many points did he win?

You might assume something around 80%?

Nope

Roger won 80% of his matches

By winning 54% of the points

That means

Almost every second point he ever played over his career

He lost

He experienced a loss

A mistake, error, fumble, fall, stuff up

Almost every minute he ever played.

There is a crucial skillset here

How one treats themselves when they mess up

Imagine

If at any moment

During those 46% of lost points

Roger beat himself up

Blasted himself for making a mistake

For not being good enough

“Shoulding” himself to be better

Yep

Not likely he would be able to move on from the mistake

And go on to win the other 54% of points.

To be clear

Yes

The skill of playing the point is obviously incredibly valuable

But if the goat of tennis can win 80% of his matches over his career

After losing almost half of the points

This tells us

The ability to let go of the mistake and move onto the next moment

Is absolutely crucial to sustaining a career in performance.

Some say tennis is a game of forgetting

Giving everything to the ball that’s in front of you

Then letting go

And moving onto the next ball

I’d like to think acting is similar to

Giving everything to the moment in front of you

Then letting go

And moving onto the next moment, scene, day, tape or job.

I was working with an incredible artist last night

I watched them realise

“Ya know, Mike

It actually doesn’t take that long

For my body to re-orientate back to a place of being in the moment

I just gotta let it do it's thing”

Music to my ears

Let the body lead

Let it get back to place of doing what it knows

Let it get back to play

Playing each ball

Each moment

One at a time

Then move on

Hope this helps

X

How to Increase Authenticity

“Just be yourself”

Another piece of advice

Which emphasises the result

Not the process

Equivalent to saying

“Just be amazing!”

Yep

Thanks, Judy

Let’s rather focus on a process

And allow the result of authenticity to come to us.

Drum roll

How to technically be yourself as an actor:

Two focuses here

One

Presence

But

Presence is a byproduct

Of what?

Breathing

Focusing on your breath encourages a state of presence

Breathing = Presence = Authenticity

But there’s a catch here

Anyone can focus on their breath when things are easy

It’s harder to focus on your breath when your body wants to protect itself

It’s easy to focus on your breath in yoga class

It’s a lot harder to focus on your breath when the director yells “ACTION” on that multi-million dollar set

Therefore

Practice focussing on your breath

When it’s uncomfortable to do so

Two

Vulnerability

But

Vulnerability is also a byproduct

Of what?

Honesty

Being honest encourages a state of vulnerability

Honesty = Vulnerability = Authenticity

But

Once again

There’s a catch

Anyone can focus on being honest when things are easy

It’s harder to focus on being honest when your body wants to protect itself

It’s easy to be honest with yourself in your journal

It’s a lot harder to be honest with someone who’s opinion you really care about

Therefore

Practice being honest

When it’s uncomfortable to do so.

Authenticity is a muscle

You have the ability to build it

And

Just like a professional athlete trialling a new move

The first few reps don’t count

So

Give yourself permission to fall on your face

Multiple times

Before counting yourself out

Give your body a chance to start learning what it’s like to breathe

When it’s uncomfortable to do so

Give your body a chance to start learning what it’s like to be honest

When it’s uncomfortable to do so

Find comfort in that chaos

And watch authenticity come to you

Hope this helps

X

When Family Disapproves

My daughter now has the ability to sit on a chair without falling off of it

Only for a short amount of time however

Lucky we found a great ice cream shop

One of those places tucked away in a side street

With crates outside

And the latest R&B hits playing over speakers

The kind of place that makes me feel like I’m back in LA

Only now

I’m finding a place like this because I’m following my daughters curiosity

Rather than my own

I’m just grateful her curiosity is leading us to a snack we can both enjoy

The award winning “vanilla malt” kept her focussed for longer than I have ever seen

Ten minutes is a long time in her world

Small things feel big

But she feels them entirely

Then moves on like that big head bump didn’t just happen

Which makes me question what would happen if I just let myself feel things the way she does

How much less resentment would I carry in my life?

Maybe if I just screamed and fell in a heap on the floor

I would be more generous with my love and kindness in the minutes after releasing my pains

Curious

In the moments of silence between each bite of ice cream

I find my mind drifting off to a question I’ve been mulling over for a while

One that involves family

Relationships

Boundaries

“I have no idea how to answer it”

I tell myself

But I need to say something

I need to say something

Hi Michael. I'd love it if you could give me some advice. I've started getting auditions and it's an exciting time, but I'm also living with my parents again temporarily for financial reasons. My family are negative and often tell me in a number of ways that they can't see acting working out for me and that my efforts are a waste of time. I tried to film an audition this morning and didn't do it because I was so upset with my dad’s comments, I lost my confidence and decided to book a studio space for tomorrow morning before the tape is due. I find I waste a lot of energy and lose a lot of sleep trying to prove myself, and I carry shame and a bit of resentment. I'm a highly sensitive person and can easily feel crushed rather than putting myself in a bubble and blocking people out. Even when I don't live with them, I still care about what they think. I know they care about me. I know they come from a place of love and worry, but being in a state of fear is not good for creativity. Have you had a similar experience and how did you overcome it? I'm trying to lose the mindset you mentioned of "when I, then I", and instead have faith that my efforts aren't wasted. Thanks Michael. Gerri (Name changed for privacy).

Gerri

This made my heart swell

A bloody vulnerable question

And one that I know so many artists out there relate to

I find myself - surprisingly - pumping the air

You’ve started getting auditions

That is a bloody exciting news

Opportunities to give your generous work to the world.

Another celebration:

You’ve adjusted your living situation for financial reasons

Sounds like you are taking responsibly for your finances, Gerri

Which, as an artist, is crucial

I can’t tell you how many actors I know of

Who threw in the towel

Because money was something that was just too uncomfortable for them to take an honest look at

You can be the most skilled craftsmen in your field

But without a solid foundation of health, wealth and relationships

Those skills won’t be able to be sustainably given

So go you for taking responsibility for your wealth

There were plenty of times in my twenties

Where I ended up at my parents place for a couple weeks (or even months)

To help me get through a financial low patch.

Another celebration of your work:

(Then I’ll stop fist pumping the air)

Booking a studio on the morning of your dad’s comment

For you to go through a moment of dissonance like that

Notice that it was taking you off track

And then make a new choice

In order to continue giving your work your way…

Talk about adaptability, Gerri

Performers who are able to adapt on the fly like that

Adjust to what is being thrown at them

Bring things back on track

That is some glorious anti-fragility right there!

Please

Make some time this week to go buy yourself an ice cream

(Or an equivalent snack)

Seriously

Let your body marinate in that sense of celebration

Let it know it did some beautiful work

Work that is worth repeating in the future.

Okay

Gerri

There are many sentences in your question that I feel a sense of urgency in responding to

A desire to ramble, stumble and vomit some important points

Like my daughter letting out her instinctual screams and tears in a moment of very real pain for her

For example

”Often tell me in a number of ways that they can't see acting working out for me”

Can’t see acting working out

Okay

Tell me

What results do others need to see in order to dispel any concern of acting not working out?

I’m remembering a moment

Many years ago

Where someone looked at me, took a breath, and with a tone of absolute kindness and love

Said

“hey, I hope you crack that big one”

At the time

My blood boiled

I wanted to grab their throat

I was furious

Embarrassed

Ashamed

The story I told myself

Was that after over a decade of working my arse off

They still viewed me like I was just some loser struggling to “make it”

Like I was someone who woke up every day

And stared at the bathroom mirror

Desperately trying to convince myself that

“today is the day I’m finally going to make it!”

What does that even mean?

But the more I have thought about that comment

The more it’s taught me

The general public don’t have a clue

And

Nor should they

I believe this is really important to acknowledge

Why

In every field

There are extremes of recognised success

A minuscule percentage of pilots fly an F-35 Jet

A minuscule percentage of doctors do brain surgery

A minuscule percentage of entrepreneurs start a billion dollar company

But if you’re an actor

Yes

It’s one of those career where your worth can be utterly at the mercy of the public’s ignorance

For most people walking down the road

With a stressful job

A mortgage

A teenager giving them grief at home

Trying to cope with a stressful relationship

And those 40 minutes a night where they get to tune out and just watch the latest block buster

Then the only way you could possibly be okay as an actor

Is if you reach the financial or fame level of say, Hemsworth or Margot

The general public forget

Or simply aren’t aware

That there are thousands of actors around the world

Who - every week - make a living giving their craft

Who they could walk passed without even recognising.

Now

I would never tell a pilot “sorry mate, doesn’t look like it’s going to work out” because they only fly a little Cessna

I would never tell a doctor “sorry mate, doesn’t look like it’s going to work out” because they are only a GP

I would never tell an entrepreneur “sorry mate, doesn’t look like it’s going to work out” because they had a little 5 figure business

But if you say “I’m an actor”

You are putting yourself on that chopping block of

“Mmm... I don’t recognise you from anything therefore things might not be working out for you”

Then again

To play on the Devil’s side here

It was quite late into my twenties when some people I loved dearly

Hit me with the sobering truth of

“You’re telling us you’re fine

and that things are going well

But you asked us for financial support last week”

Damn.

Clear.

They needed to see that I could financially take care of myself

That was an important metric in gauging if acting was “working out”

And by that metric

It absolute was not.

Fair. Enough.

(That was the second last time I ever asked them for financial help)

If I am saying I want to make a living from acting

And I am not actually making a living from acting

Then maybe there is something for me to think about

It raises the question

Do I only want to continue with this art form

If my bank reaches a certain amount each year?

Mmm

That feels like it might suck the joy right out of the effort

Lets flip the question

What do YOU need to see to feel like acting is “working out”?

What are your markers or metrics?

Get clear

I know people who have a 9-5

Have four kids

No time on weekends

And one night a week…

One night a fucking week

They get to go practice their craft in a classroom until midnight

Then catch the subway home when its minus below

And for them

That’s enough

That’s joyful

Meaningful

They don’t need to be getting paid on set

Or walking a red carpet

Or brushing shoulders with celebs

For me personally

At no point since finishing drama school

Have I wanted to act every day

That’s absolutely not me and does not fill my cup

And the moments where I have used other people’s metrics to define whether my career is enough

Such as

Needing to be earning a certain amount

Needing be seen as busy working every day as an actor

Needing to be working with particular level budgets

Needing to be getting snapped on red carpets

God

Utterly de-energising

Resulting in

Auditioning for things I don’t want to

Or listing to peoples advice I don’t actually like.

Gerri

Finish this sentence for me:

“For me, Acting is enough when I…“

Curious to hear what flows out.

Now

When you stated that

“You’re a highly sensitive person

I easily feel crushed”

Man I hugged myself like Ray Charles

Music to my ears

I remember working on a farm with my mate Charlie

We had about two hundred head of cattle and three dogs helping us

Knuckle, Dale and Elle

Knuckle and Dale were sprinting across the vast paddock

Darting back and forth

Often making far more work for themselves than required

Charlie would scowl at them

“KNUCKLE!

Cum b’hind

DALE…

WALK UP

WALK UP DALE YOU MUPPET!”

They would look just back at him with their tongues sticking out

Looking like they had won the lottery

Charlie would laugh and sigh

But there was a moment where the other dog

Elle

Made what I deemed to be a silly movement which made my job more difficult

“COME ON ELLE!”

I growled

Charlie whipped around

“Oh man,

You can’t speak to Elle like that

That’s not in her nature

She shuts down easy”

I looked back to Elle

She looked like she was about to crawl under my motorbike and die of embarrassment

Her body langue was similar to that of mine when I was 9 and my voice cracked whilst singing a solo in front of the whole school

She made herself as small as possible and whimpered away for the next few hours

Rendering her useless for the rest of the muster

The second Charlie told me about Elle

How sensitive she was

How much she can shut down at a simple comment that others of her kind wouldn’t bat and eye lid at…

Yep

I felt like I found my spirit animal

Gerri

You’re a sensitive soul

I love that

I see you

That comment knocked you

You felt it

All of it

And yet you made an adjustment and booked a bloody studio

The work still got done despite the hurt

I think this says an enormous amount about you

And what lies ahead

I know there are moments where your sensitivity feels like a burden

But I believe your sensitivity is one of your great strengths.

There are so many general bits of acting advice which I struggle to hear

“Don’t care what others think”

That goes against your biology

Ridiculous

If you’re a healthy human you will care about what others think

And that’s absolutely okay.

Another one that grinds my gears

“You gotta have thick skin to be an actor”

I disagree

I know plenty of incredible actors

Who are deeply sensitive people

They care deeply

They feel deeply

And pretending like you don’t care

Pretending like you don’t hurt when you do

Gerri

To me

What a waste

You putting yourself in a bubble and blocking people out…

That sounds like a reasonable thing todo

The body certainly doesn’t want to be hurt any more and go through those kinds of emotions

However

No one wins by you blocking other humans out

I need to remind myself of this sometimes

There is a sacrificial element to being an artist

As their is to having any human relationship

Loving comes with being hurt

Giving your gifts comes with pain

I’m seeing this more and more everyday as my little one develops into a human

She’s an extension of me

And so when I see her in pain

Man

I feel that

We were at the water park playing

Another kid came up

And just swung at her head

Clocking her left cheek

I’ve thought about this moment

Especially as I daydream whilst eating ice cream

“I won’t let you hurt my daughter

I won’t let you hurt me

I won’t let you hurt me”

Then WHACK

My daughter has launched a similar style swing toward me

I hold her hand

Gentle but firm

“I love you

But that hurt me

So I won’t let you hit me”

I wish I could speak that purely to others in my life.

There are no black or whites in my response, I’m afraid

It’s family

And those are some of the most complex relationships we have

But, if anything

Your question gives me certain insights about you

It tells me that you deeply feel things

I see this as a great strength, Gerri

It tells me you are already building a practice of noticing the hurt and making adjustments in the moment to still give your work, your way

I see this as a great strength, Gerri

And lastly

There is something in your question that tells me you are not interested in measuring your worth as an actor by the metrics of those around you

Which I see as a great strength, Gerri

If you find joy in the effort of working on your craft

If you find joy in the effort of auditing

And you are not needing to please others with particular metrics of success

Then I believe you will be more than okay.

Gerri

Your efforts have not been wasted

I repeat

Your efforts

Your sacrifices

Your time, energy and dedication

It has not been wasted

That, I absolutely can assure you of

Hope this helps

X

How To Win The Race

Once upon a time

There was a race

And in it

Ran a group of actors.

The gun went off

The actors

All wearing their colourful racing bibs

Burst forward

And the long run began.

Over hills

And under bridges

Alongside the ocean

And deep into the forest

Shoulder to shoulder

Bumping into each other

The actors grit there teeth and pushed forward

No-one wanting to give up.

Eventually

One actor fell behind

And could no longer keep up the pace of the others

The actor collapsed on the ground

“I can’t do this anymore!”

They sobbed

The group of running actors heard the painful cries of the actor behind them giving up

But they continued to push ahead

“That will never be me!”

They each thought to themselves.

Eventually

The group of actors crossed the finish line.

Exhausted

And drenched in sweat

They turned their attention to the official post-race ceremony.

The actors stepped up to the podium

In first place

The actor was presented with a gold medal

They looked down at the medal and thought to themeless

“Wow! I did it!

I can’t believe I won!

Thank god it’s over”

In second place

The actor was presented with a silver medal

They looked down at the medal and thought to themselves

“If I had only been a bit faster

If I had only been a bit better

I could have been the best”

In third place

The actor received a bronze medal

The actor looked at the medal around their neck

And thought to themselves

“I did it!

I just managed to scrape in there with the best”

Behind the podium

Sat the actor who came forth

They looked up at the actors all receiving their medals

And thought to themselves

“If I had only been a bit faster!

If I had only been a bit better!

I could have been up there with the best”

The actor who had given up

Who had been driven to the finish line

Too full of pain and resentment

They couldn’t even watch the actors receive their medals

They thought to themselves

“I will never race again!”

Everyone else clapped for the actors on the podium

And the day was done.

The actor with the gold medal

Relieved the race was over

Climbed into their car

And began their long drive home through the night.

After a while

The gold medal actor

Saw another actor running along side the road

One they didn’t recognise

Running in the direction of the finish line

“Oh no”

They thought to themselves

“That poor actor doesn’t know the race is over

They’ve lost their bib

They’re smiling

They must be exhausted and delusional”

The gold medal actor

Stuck their head out to the window and yelled out

“Hey!

The race is over!

You don’t have to run anymore!”

The running actor

Smiling as they kept one foot moving in front of the other

Looked at the gold medal actor

And replied

“What race?”

Hope this helps

X

How To Transform Your Career

Many artists suffer…

At times

What is happening

And the internal story of what should be happening

Are two very different things

And sometimes

When the dissonance between those two things

Becomes all too much

We might fall apart

Have a creative meltdown

And enter into a chapter

Where we simply give up

Give up trying to control the uncontrollables

And allow ourselves

And our work

To flow in the direction it’s actually meant to

What a thought

“I’m doing what I’m meant to be doing”

Ugh

Beautiful

To be getting out the way…

Okay let’s get on track

The following are three small steps

To help you transform your career

One: Surrender

Transformation begins with not knowing

I’m going to assume you can already feel how anxious trying to figure it all out is making you

This is something I jump into a lot

The fight to know HOW

How can I…

How will I…

How must I…

How should I…

So

(As scary as it can be)

Breathe into the honest, vulnerable and expansive area of

“I don’t know... And that’s okay”

(Of course

It’s in the place of not knowing

That knowings begin to arise).

Two: Notice

Mother Nature has provided us with the wisest of tools

Our body

Notice the signals she is providing you

Notice the people, place & experiences

That make your body feel alive

Make your body lean forward

Forget about time

Fill you with a sense of expansion

Make you feel free!

Start becoming aware of these crucial bits of information

And then?

Three: Follow

Begin the exhilarating process of moving in the direction those signals are guiding you

Like tracks in the sand moving over the distant horizon

Begin to follow them

You will have absolutely no idea where they are leading you

But you know exactly how to get there

Just follow those tracks

Follow those curiosities

The people, place & creative experiences which fill you with a sense of expansion

A side note here

This becomes an interesting place

This is where our conditioned responses may begin to raise their heads

Implanted by the systems & culture of our indsutry

“But I can’t do it that way”

“People would laugh at me”

“The industry would shun me”

Mmm

Is that really true?

What kind of artist are you when you believe that?

What kind of actor might you be if you let that go?

Curious

Notice those thoughts

Those stories

Those things you believe about the industry when you’re afraid

And bring it back

To doing the work in a way which makes your body feel alive

Why?

Because you’re allowed to!

You’re allowed to work on things which you love

In a way that you love working on them

And when someone tells you

“But you can’t do it that way!”

Look at them

Look at the fear in their eyes

Hear the angst in their voice

Love on them for trying to keep you safe

And instead

Choose go first

This whole industry is starving

This whole industry is desperately waiting

For artists

Like you

To give yourself permission

To go first

Hope this helps

X

My Favourite Rejection

Once upon a time

I was reading a book

I don’t usually read books

But I had seen this one on my shelf

And felt the pull to open it

After the first page

I sat down on my bed

After the second page

I opened up my schedule and cleared my next few hours

After the first chapter

I cleared the next two days

And I proceeded to fall in love

With a character

I was already working on a film at that time

And I realised that this book, it’s context, and it’s protagonist’s internal dialogue

Were a perfect fit in understanding the world in which my current role was influenced by

So the book stayed on me

Or more like

Stayed in me

Those chapters, paragraphs and lines

Filled me with a deep sense of expansion

I simply have never felt such a strong pull toward pages of a book before.

About a month later

I was staying at a hotel down in Tasmania where we were filming

And a dear cast mate and I were walking along the river which flowed in front of it

When he realised I was holding the novel

He exclaimed

“Oh! You’re going for that role too!”

Stop

My heart froze

I asked what he meant

But I knew what he meant

Deep down I knew

There could only be one thing he meant

“They’re turning that book into a film

I’m assuming you’re auditioning too?”

He said with joy

I didn’t even wait to get back to my room

I pulled my phone out and called my agent

“Mike

I tried

The casting director thinks you’re too old”

Now

I wouldn’t say I’m a pushy actor when it comes to auditions

In fact

I can’t recall another time where I insisted on going in for something

Where I pleaded

Or begged

I’m mostly prone to avoid conflict

And very much want to respect people’s roles in the industry

Not step into their lane

But when the body knows

The body knows

And goddamn

My body knew…

That role was mine

I had never felt so sure about a role being mine

I had never felt so sure that if I could just be seen for it

They would see what I see

They would see what I know to be true

That I was the best person for it

So

I kindly

But firmly

Asked my agent to please have another try

I knew the casting director

I believed at that time that I had been very respectful and generous in her roomover the years

So although it might be odd behaviour for me

There was a feeling of deep trust on my end in making that request

And a few hours later

My agent called back

“Your audition is in Sydney next week”

I took a breath

Jumped back into bed with my book

And began working on my next role

“It’s just meant to be”

I told myself.

I booked in with my coach

And was up at 1 am the following morning working with her online (as she was in NYC).

The process began

And with it came doubts

It was just a first round audition

I know how these things go

I put in effort

Time

Money

Energy

And chances are I’ll get rejected

So what’s the point?

But there was something different

A curiosity?

A breadcrumb of trust?

To give it everything

I felt alive

Strangely alive

So

I made the decision

I chose to behave as if I already had the role

To simply treat the audition process like rehearsals had begun

As if I was just working on my next gig.

I opened up my book

And I wrote

“How would I behave if I already had the role?”

Then brainstormed a list of answers

And that became my list of things to do

I wasn’t going to wait for their permission.

A week later

After living and breathing that character

I went into the casting room

Gave my work over to the lens

And surprisingly didn’t even have to wait more than a few hours to hear back from the casting director

They were happy with the work

Really happy

There was going to be a call back with the director in a few weeks time

Great

Plenty of time for me to keep playing with it

To keep living and breathing the character and his world.

Now

In the book

There was the most gorgeous descriptions of what it was like to be in the mountains where he lived

Those mountains are still undisturbed to this day in Victoria, Australia

So I decided to make the seven hour drive down to them

The mist welcomed me as I arrived

And swallowed me up for those three days

They gave me a taste

A smell

An experience in my body

Of what my character might have gone through

As he sat on those rocks and looked out into the ghostly floating sea of white

I drove down to the local town where he would have walked

I didn’t have time to waste

So I knocked on the local historian’s door

Told her I was playing this role

That I was already working on it in preparation for filming in a few months time

And begun pestering her with questions about life in those times

Now

I have jut paused writing to go through my emails back in 2017 when this was all occurring

And it’s quite strange to read through all the correspondence

The director I was working with on the film at that time

Who I got on incredibly well with

Was best friends with the director for the film that I wanted

And when she found out I as auditioning

She happily put in a word

My USA agent knew the producer

And when he found out I was auditioning

He put in a word

My colleague on the current film

Who I got on incredibly well with

Knew one actor who was already cast in it

So he put in a word too

My acting coach

Who I had already started working on the role with

Had dinner with the script writer’s wife

She too put in a word

So not only was I loving working on the role

Giving it everything my body wanted to give it

But people I loved working with were supporting me wholeheartedly

They had my back

They wanted me to get the role too

It honestly felt like I was being held

Working on an audition had never so free

So easy

So loving and supported

I felt so ready to start filming

Then

I had my callback

I went in to meet the director

And he asked me to improvise a speech about donuts

Donuts

Not sure donuts were being eaten by bush rangers 150 years ago in Victoria

But I slipped into some kind of hungry fantasy over different flavoured donuts

Afterward

We laughed

Shook hands

And I left

It wasn’t quite the same world I had been working on over the last few months

But I felt clear that if the core of the character was there

I would be happy to go in whatever direction the director wanted me to go

But when I got home

I noticed my thoughts became obsessive

God I want this

I want this so much

I want to keep working on this role

I want to keep working on this film

I began to feel vulnerable

Too vulnerable

It became terrifying

Dear god

What if I don’t get it!?

I have invested so much into this

I jumped onto a call my performance coach

“Angie

What if I don’t get this?

It will hurt so much

I can’t bare how much this one will hurt”

In her wise words as always

“Mike

Permission to feel what you’re feeling

If your body deeply wants this role

If your body deeply wants to keep working on it

Then let it lead

Let yourself want it

You’re allowed to want it”

So

I chose to keep going

I kept wanting it

I kept working on it

I kept re-reading the novel

Reading over the script

Listening to music

Researching the history

Working with my acting coach

And two weeks later

My agent rang

“Mike, I’m not sure it’s going to go your way”

My response even shocked me

I playfully responded

“I love this role, I am the best person for this role, I’m going to keep working on it :)”

And so I did

And every single time my agent tried to share a sense of doubt

Maybe to let me down lightly

I would respond with some kind of water-off-a-ducks-back-type remark

But the time came

When my agent eventually had to sternly convince me

That the role in that film

Was not going to be played by me

“Mike… It’s time to let this one go”

I was dumbfounded

I gave it everything

I gave it absolutely everything

My time

My energy

My money

My everything

And they’re telling me to stop working on it?

But

Surprisingly

I didn’t feel angry

I didn’t feel ashamed

Or embarrassed

Surprisingly

As I sat in a cafe in Broadway shopping centre in Sydney

I remember leaning back in my chair

And thinking to myself

“So that’s what it feels like

To give everything and still get rejected

To put all of myself out there

And for the results not to come”

I felt…

So

Damn

Proud

I felt…

So

Damn

Grateful

I smiled and said to my agent

“I don’t regret a thing”.

Over the last eight years of helping artists with their craft and career

I have found this to be true across the board

When artists give everything their body is wanting to give

When they don’t hold back due to the fear of rejection

Despite knowing the likelihood of failure

The effort becomes the reward itself.

The truth is

Years later

I don’t feel any sense of wishing or longing

That it was me who got to play that role in that film

Why?

Because I feel like I did.

No one will ever be able to take the joy of that creative process away from me

And for that…

I’m eternally grateful

Hope this helps

X

Downside to Drama School

When I was eighteen

I had just finished high school

And my best friend was trying out for this place called NIDA

We had spent the previous four years obsessing over acting

Learning lines in English class together

Spending lunch times rehearsing group projects

Hanging out on the sets of the school plays we were about to do

Cloud Street, Romeo & Juliet, Sparkle Shark

We loved it

We loved putting in the effort

The effort was the reward itself

So when I found out he was trying out for drama school

I didn’t skip a bit

I put my forms in immediately.

My dad dropped me off in a suburb I’d never been to

And I made it through to the second round

At the call back

I vomited in the bathroom

And then was told by the great Kevin Jackson

That if I got in, I should say no

He thought I was too young

Too inexperienced

I giggled awkwardly at his remarks

He did not giggle back.

Several weeks later

I got a phone call as I was cleaning a swimming pool

It was the head of acting

“Darling, you’re in!”

Two months later

I walked into drama school

And on the first day

In the first class

In the very first five minutes

We were all given the classic acting employment speech

“1500 people auditioned, 25 got in

And some of you won’t make it to the end of this course.

But even if you do make it…

It’s likely only two of you will still be working ten years from now out in the industry”

Gulp

Okay

So the chances that we spend three years of intense training

60-80 hours a week

Costing us tens of thousands of dollars

And find ourselves in flowing work a decade from now

Is close to zero?

Great

We sat silently

Intimidated by our new Harry-Potter-esque staff members

Some of whom had actually seen Hitler in the flesh.

I remember walking out of that class

Sitting on the great old steps in the foyer

With my new motley crew of a family

And as we were discussing the sobering reality of our employment future

A big bus drove passed outside the windows along Anzac Parade

On it

Were the giant faces of not one

But two NIDA graduates from the previous year

They were the new leading actors

Of a massive TV show

Suppose to be the next big thing coming to Australian viewers.

Like a crowd at a tennis match

My new NIDA family and I

Followed that bus with our Bambi like eyes as it sped passed

Wait a minute…

If we are being told that the chances of us working in the industry are so low

But then there are two fresh graduates leading a big new show

Being marketed on enormous bus billboards all around Australia

What gives?

And it was then

That someone behind me

Said under their breath

“They got the best agents straight out of drama school”

Okay…

Noted.

First year came and went like a blur

Movement, Voice, Improv, Acting, History of Theatre

On repeat

And as we entered into our final term

I noticed something

There was an enormous attention shift toward one very particular thing:

Which third years were going to get the best agents?!?

At this time

There were two big agents that seemed to dominate the conversations

“Who will those agents like?

Who will they take onto their books?”

No point beating around the bush here

As first years

We largely looked up to the third years

And if the third years were caring enormously about who the agents wanted

Then it became very clear to us

That this was something worth caring about

The equation became simple

Get to the end of third year

Get an offer from one the two best agents

Get a lead role on the next big TV show

And everything will be okay

Noted

The next year

Same thing

The new crop of third years went through the familiar cycle

I watched two actors get offers from both those big agencies

I remember celebrating with them that night

“You’ll be here with us next year Sheasby!”

“If you don’t get an offer from one of the two big ones - you’re fucked”

One said with a laugh

“A six pack will get you more work than voice classes ever will”

Said the other

Noted

Another summer came and went

And as I put on my big boy shoes

For my first day of third year at drama school

I pulled out a piece of paper

And on it

I wrote the names of those two big agencies

And then stuck it next to my bed

So I could look at it every day

Every fucking day

Until it happened

Until I got an offer from one of those two big agents

Why?

Because if I got an offer from the best agents

I would get the best work in the industry

I would be on bus billboards a year or two out of NIDA

I would have secure, well payed work

With respectable colleagues

And then…

Everything would be okay.

Now

Back in those days

(He says with a raspy old voice)

When students graduated

They would go back to NIDA one week after their final day

Where they would go into an office

Alone

And they were handed a piece of paper

With a list of agencies who were interested in them

They were told

“email them and organise a meeting”

And that was it

The last moment of formal contact with drama school

The offical pushing out the nest

And as the years above us went through that experience

We realised that that’s when the students became a number

The number of agents that were interested in them became their value

Dave got 17

Damien got 2

Darren got Zero

I can remember waiting outside that room

After completing my three years of study

Shaking

Why?

Because I believed the next 5 minutes were going to determine my career

And therefore my life

If those two big agencies were on my list?

Everything would be okay

If not?

I’m probably just not cut out for this.

Then it happened

To my absolute horror

Neither of those names were on my list

There were a few names there

But not the ones I wanted

Not the ones I needed

And I fell apart

The old lady who handed me the paper stared back at me smiling

I put on a fake smile back

Said thank you

And went home

Where I closed the door

Lay on the carpet

And clenched my fists

I just wasted three years

I just took my loved ones on a ride of excitement and hubris

Only to now disappoint them

My friends will suddenly realise that I’m not what they thought I was

The best casting directors won’t see me

The best directors won’t bother with me

I’ll never get to read the best scripts

Or be seen for decent roles

I’ll never work

I’ll never get paid to act

I’ll never be an actor

Okay

Now

Looking back

This might seem a bit dramatic

But at that time

It felt incredibly real for me

That was the story I was telling myself

And I believed every inch of it

Why do I say all this?

What’s my point?

Over the past fourteen years

I have spoken to, worked with, interviewed, coached or mentored

Thousands of actors, artists & performers

Many of those being graduates of drama schools in the western world

And many of those not

And I have noticed one very important differentiating factor

Between young drama school graduates

And young non drama school graduates:

Those who have not graduated from drama schools have a more resilient relationship with representation than those who have

The agents don’t define them, their work or their value nearly as much as it tends to do so for fresh grads.

And to me

This makes a hell of a lot of sense

Of course!

If an actor goes to one of the best drama schools in the country

Regardless of being exposed to the brutal facts and reality around employment rates

There is still an underlying expectation that they should get an agent

And this

Makes them bloody fragile.

Yes

One must hope

Hope for the best representation

Hope for the best work

Hope for the best colleagues

But

Just because it doesn’t happen immediately

Does not mean it won’t ever happen

There is a brittle story amongst fresh graduates who don’t get representation they are happy with, or get representation at all:

It’s the end of the road for them.

After the last few days pondering over this dilemma

I can absolutely think of examples

Of actors who were devastated when their time at drama school wrapped up because of their lack of offers

Who simply fell apart in the first few months being out in the industry

Who cried it out

Grieved it out

Lost all hope

Only to wake up one day

And realise

It’s up to them

It’s on their shoulders

And so they made the choice

To keep going

To keep finding joy in the effort

And years later

Found themselves to be on sets they loved

With colleagues they loved

Getting paid to play at something they love

Unfortunately

I can think of far more examples

Of actors who let those first few weeks or months after graduating

Define them and the value they have to offer the industry.

A strange story comes to mind as I write this

I was helping a friend carry luggage to a cabin where we were all staying for the weekend

He said he had just failed his very first exam to get into med school

After years of listening to him talk about how he should be a doctor

I asked him what he was going to do moving forward

He said

“Go try out for law school instead”

Without even thinking about it

(And it’s still something I feel strange about to this day)

I laughed and said

“You obviously never wanted to be a doctor then”

He stopped

Stared and me and said

“what do you mean?”

Again, without skipping a beat, I carelessly said

“Being a doctor means decades of training

Decades of exams and tests

Sick patients

Dying patients

Literally a lifetime of failures and mistakes.

And you want to quit after your first fallen hurdle?

Sounds like you don’t really want it”

He went quiet

His shoulders dropped

And I embarrassingly realised I had put my foot in it.

But

Years later

He is now a professional novelist

He gets paid to read and write everyday

Why?

Because they’re his favourite things to do!

I just loves it

The effort of reading and writing is the reward for him

And so the obstacles in his way became little speed bumps.

My point is

If you love acting

If you really want to play and contribute your art to this world

Then do that.

Keep doing the thing that brought you to your training in the first place.

And if you finish drama school

And you don’t get an agent you’re thrilled about from the very beginning

Or get an agent at all

It would be bloody understandable

Especially after 3 years of underlying expectations

That it might hurt

Enormously

But

Please

For the love of god

Let it hurt

Give yourself permission to feel the pain, anguish, anger, frustration, embarrassment, shame

Whatever beautiful messy complex grey emotions show up

Feel em

And when you come out the other side

(And you will)

Remember

You have a choice in letting it define you

You do have a choice

Hope this helps

X

Making The Right Choice

“Hey Sheasby

Curious if there are any updates in regard to your agent search? Would love to know your thoughts on who you went with and why they were right for you?

D

PS. when you say you’re wanting to meet up for coffee to discuss finding joy in the effort with artists, do you actually mean that?”

Hey D!

Firstly

Yes

As I am comfortably taking time away from auditioning until Two Ugly Peoplecomes out

I really just want to focus on helping other artists with their craft & career at the moment

So just say the word and we can find a time.

Now

To your main question

YES

After a two month process

I have finally found a new home

And how has that process been?

Well

I can honestly say

The vast majority of the search was bloody painful

Which very much took me by surprise.

You see

I was well aware that there was resistance on my end

When my previous agent

The glorious Nicky

Told me she would be closing up shop back in January

I spent the next five and a half months burying my head in the sand

It was her who eventually gave me the much needed nudge out of the nest

And boy did I drag my heels

My daughter saw me walking around the house looking like Jim Carry’s version of The Grinch

Stubbornly pacing back and forth in a sulky manor

I want to be clear

I help performers with their search for representation

I give guidance to artists when it comes to who they choose to invest their time & energy with

That’s a weekly, if not daily occurrence for me.

And yet

I still noticed myself falling into a stinky swamp of confusion, fear and frustration

Let me explain

The first thing I did when I truly began my search back in June of this year

Was tell my partner that I was going to be stepping into something I find quite scary

Just in case I seem a bit fragile, tender or defensive

Then I asked three mentors whom I love and respect dearly

“Who do you think would be a good fit?”

They gave me five names in total

So I went to a cafe

And sent my five emails to private email addresses to see if they might like to have a chat

And right off the bat

I had one immediate rejection

They were very kind and respectful about it

As well as flagged some personal stuff going on for them

But god

I still felt tiny

My imagination went wild with that email

I told myself some bloody interesting stories

And definitely noticed myself attaching meaning to it

Like “all my efforts over the passed twenty years were for nothing!”

Mmm

Notice the dissonance

Take a slow, kind breath

Bring it back to what I can control

Keep going

Off to my four meetings I went

Out of those four meetings

I really like three

And all three said they really like me

Woo!

But

Rather than feeling excited about finding a match

I started to become fearful about not pleasing everyone

The idea of choosing one

And therefore saying no to two others

Began to absorb my attention

Again

My imagination went wild

“If I say no to the two others

They might black list me

I might never work again”

I had to slow things down

Breathe

Stop my imagination from carrying me into a dark forest

I’m a homo sapien

I’m biologically designed to care what others think

To stress over not being liked or not pleasing others…

Despite the discomfort it brings

Totally normal

Totally okay

What did I do next?

Nothing

I just sat and waited

And waited

And over a week later

I had three emails sitting in my inbox checking in with how I was going

And seeing if I wanted to chat again

Gulp

I felt clear about one way forward

Polarisation

To be so honest that I either attract

Or repel

Time to be completely true about where I as at

And what I was wanting most moving forward

How honest could I be about acting and the agent relationship I was after?

What am I really wanting out of the next few years in regard to craft & career?

This was a big step for me

I felt incredibly insecure

I felt like I was about to show myself

My true, ugly, scarred & scared little self

And almost straight away

One came back with a “thank you for your honesty, on second thoughts, we might not be the best fit”

And two came back with “absolutely yes”

Brilliant

Two left

What happened next?

I started to eat

And I mean

EAT

Snacking

From waking up in the morning

Until right before putting my head on the pillow

Something I have never really experienced

Uncontrollable snacking

I actually packed on three kilos in just a few weeks

I found it kind of funny at first

Quite bizarre behaviour on my end

I mean, I’m no stranger to a good ol shnack

But all day every day?

Curious

That’s a different pattern for me

And as I started to lose sleep on top of this

Plus the looping thoughts of

“What are they thinking?

What will they do if I say no?”

It really began to take it’s toll

Every hour of the day I’de swing to why the other one was the better choice for me

I kept asking myself

Who is right for me?

Who is right for me?

The one I felt incredibly excited and energised about

The other I felt very calm, easy and grounded

But

Which one was right for me?

Which one was right for me!?

Then

As another week went by

And I found myself once again not having made a decision

And judging myself hard for what I felt was like an inability to do so

I lay in the bed with my head flopping off to the side

And thought to myself

Is that really the best question I could be asking myself?

Is there a better question which could give me a better answer?

Curious

Which one is right for me

Well that depends on the context

About where I’m at

So

Where am I at?

There is an image that has been coming to mind a lot over the last year when it comes to acting

It’s one which makes my body feel home

It makes me feel calm, easy, grounded, strong

It makes me want to take my time

It makes me feel so bloody clear about my craft and career

I know

I know this is where I am at for now

That may change

Of course it will change

When it will change?

Who the heck knows

But I know

That it’s where I am at for now

Then it hit me

Of course

It wasn’t about who is right for me

It’s about who’s right for me… for now

And with that

I breathed an easy breath

And calmly fell asleep

Knowing exactly who I was going to call on Monday morning

After a relaxing and slow weekend with my family

Hope this helps

X

Paid To Act

Imagine waking up one morning

And the whole industry has evaporated

(For whatever reason)

It simply collapsed overnight

And you know

You know

You will never earn a single dollar from acting again

You’ll never get paid to act

What would you do?

Would you still bother?

Would you still film scenes with friends?

Would you still buy a camera and make your own movies?

Would use your phone to make short films?

Would you still go to class?

Would you stay up late into the night watching old films that make you breathe easier

Would you read scenes that make you feel like life is worth living?

Or

Would you close that door?

Say goodbye to that chapter of your life and go do other things?

Mmm

Curious

After the idea of what an acting career should be

Was smashed with a sledgehammer around a decade ago for me

I started to enjoy my life again

Trying my best to let my body lead

And follow my curiosity when it came to where, how and who I invested my time and energy in

That meant

Things that I use to enjoy as a kid

Playing in nature

Wrestling

Being around animals

Started to fill my calendar for the first time in my adult life

I’m actually heading out this weekend

Into the wild

I have my pack

My survival & safety gear

My clothing layers & food

And I’m going to be in the elements for 24 hours

Just me and mamma nature.

Being a dad of a currently fourteen month old

Has obviously meant not taking too many weekends off lately

So I get plenty of time to think about that next upcoming adventure

I’ve been thinking about this weekends’ trip for at least three months

And my god

I’ve loved every minute dreaming about it

Watching the best outdoorsmen on the internet

Researching what specific gear they use

Doing the skill-based courses they have

Listening to their podcasts

I’ve spent months prepping my gear

Tweaking my equipment lists

Making spreadsheets to count the weight of my full pack

Counting the grams

Sitting in the garage after Kenzie-Baby has gone to bed

Simply looking at different ways I can play Tetris with my packing

I wash & maintain my gear

I spend hours looking at websites dreaming about new equipment I can invest in

I have hundreds of pages in my journals

Copious amounts of notes on my phone

Analysing what, how and why I’m doing it in particular ways

I think about it

I dream about it

I feel calm, energised, alive

I feel home

Now

One day

I decided to go on a trip with another outdoorsman

He was way more experienced than I was

And we had a secret valley we were both keen on exploring

So we decided to hike in together

But a few hours into the adventure

Something started to feel a bit off

I felt a sense of rushing

Conversations around what were doing and why were doing it seemed to be a bit clipped

Like there was a way we should be doing it

Which I noticed feeling of dissonance in my body

Lovely little signals from my body trying to guide me

And I realised

We had different priorities

This guys priority was getting to a particular place

Where as my priority was simply exploring

A big downpour ocurred and we strung up a makeshift tarp and sat underneath it eating some snakes

(The lolly kind)

We spoke about the next 20 hours of our adventure

He said where he wanted to go, what he wanted to achieve, the place where he wanted reach

And me?

I mentioned my desire to wonder

Just go in the direction I felt pulled towards

We laughed

Realising how much we had different priorities on this trip

And with that

When the showers cleared

We hook hands, said our goodbyes and wished each other a safe journey

What’s my point?

I harp on a fair bit about skill development

Making progress toward meaningful goals

But what about if simply doing the thing is the goal itself?

I will never be a professional spear-fisherman like the graceful Kimi Werner

I will never get paid to hike up beautiful & mysterious mountains like the tenacious Steve Rinella

I will never be securing a rear-naked choke in the UFC like Khabib

And yet I continue to invest hundreds of hours each year into doing these activities

My time, energy, money, attention

Goes into these areas where there is literally no monetary reward

Why?

Because I love doing them

The act of doing them is enjoyable in itself

The effort is the reward

Curious

If someone took one these hobbies of mine

And said

YOU HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY IN ORDER TO MAKE PROGRESS

Mmm

That might actually suck the joy out if for me

I might stop listening to my body

I might start listening to people who I don’t actually enjoy being around

I might start pushing, forcing, “shoulding” all over myself

I might sacrifice my values in order to try get better

I might spend my time doing de-energising things around de-energising people

And of course

Multiply that by a couple of months

(Or even years)

You do the math

I’ll probably become resentful

I’ll probably exhaustively compare myself to others

And I’ll most likely eventually want to throw in the towel

My new agent said to me the other day

“Mike

The most important thing to me

Is that the artists I work with love what they do

And if that means taking time off to do other enjoyable things

So they can come back when they feel ready to play with love

That’s great!”

So

Here’s a question worth pondering

What would acting look like…

If you knew you were never going to get paid to do it again?

Curious

Hope this helps

X

When An Actor Struggles

Once upon a time

I was doing a play

I had to do it 113 times

I was playing the lead role

With some of Shakespeare’s most famous speeches

The production was set in London during the Blitz of World War 2

Which meant I had to shout these speeches

Over a soundtrack of exploding bombs, screams and crashing objects

On the second show I lost my voice

We then had the Monday off

I went to the doctor

Who gave me steroids for my voice

I got my voice back

But I lost my sleep due to the medication

I became very tired

And as we all know

Sometime when we don’t get enough rest

The world can feel like its crashing down very quickly

At this point in my career

I had not worked with any coaches in the world of pressure or performance psychology

So I started to believe some of my thoughts

And I started to judge what I as feeling as wrong

I became tense

On the 10th show I slapped the back wall of the stage harder than normal

I inflamed my right shoulder

It became so painful that I had to switch to my left shoulder in the following shows

On the 16th show I then did the same thing to my left shoulder

And suddenly I found myself with two shoulders that would randomly and uncontrollably drop if I raised my arms

Now

On the morning of our 17th show

I woke up in Melbourne

I was exhausted from no sleep due to the steroids

I wasn’t able to exercise due to both my shoulders needing rest

(And being injected with cortisone every week)

And I knew

I was walking into the next several months

Of being in pain every show

Eight shows a week.

I lost hope

I spiraled

And several months later

My best friend

Who happened to be on the tour with me

Knocked on my door at 8:30 in the morning and I was still drinking

Alone.

Safe to say

I was not okay

But God help me I was going to acknowledge it!

Just imagine

If I…

Michael

A professional artist

Getting paid to deliver work eight times a week

Put my hand up and asked for help

Just imagine the consequences

Would I get fired?

Would I be a huge inconvenience for people?

Would I get a reputation of being difficult?

Would I ever get another opportunity like this?

Would I ever be trusted with a great role again?

So I shut up

And I got on with it

Besides

The greats don’t complain

They swallow it

They be tough

They push through the pain

They suffer

They bleed

That’s what the greats do!

Right?

I believed the suffering was good

But I have to admit

There were nights

Where I would stand on my hotel balcony

And look down at the asphalt

23 stories below

And think

“that would feel better than what I’m feeling right now”

Nope

Shut up!

Push through

Gotta push through

Suck it up

Get on with it

A couple months later

My body caved in

The pain in my shoulders was too much

I couldn’t raise either of them on stage without extreme pain

I couldn’t decrease the pain without proper rest

And I couldn’t get proper rest because there were eight shows in a week

No time to rest!

Sure - I had an understudy

Someone being paid a wage to sub in for me if I needed a rest

But I will be damned if my understudy has to go on

I’m no pansy

Right?

Then suddenly

I find myself in an MRI machine

The producer has come out to take me to hospital with the production manager

I feel like I’m being a burden

I’m slowly slid into a big electronic tunnel

It’s dark

I’m alone

I feel alone

And it’s too much

I can’t hold in any longer

I can’t grit my teeth any longer

I start to sob

The doc needs me to be still

I try hold it together

I can’t

I whimper

Like a scared pathetic puppy

The results come

It’s a simple solution

I just need rest

Lots of rest

No more injections

No more painkillers

Just rest

But I can’t rest!

The show must go on remember!?

We drive back to the hotel

Just me and the production manager

It’s quiet

Very quiet

I’m pretending like no one could tell I was upset

Like no one just saw my blood shot eyes as I sat listening to the doctors results

I’m staring out the window

It’s cold and grey outside

Then I hear it

After what feels like a an hour of silence

Kelly turns to me and says

Mike

Everyone is wanting you to be okay

We have all the systems in place to take care of an artist in your position

You have so many hands which are reaching out to you

Asking if you’re okay…

But nothing will change if you don’t reach out in return

It’s up to you

I listend

I grimaced

And I slumped in my chair and rested my forehead against the window

I knew she was right

I squeezed my chest as hard as I could

And whispered

“I am struggling a bit”

And that night

I found myself having one of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve ever had doing a show

I found myself helping my understudy prep for his debut performance of one of Shakespeares greatest roles

We got all the supplies

The tea, honey, lemon, vitamins, steam machine

And we sat on the couch in my hotel room

Running the lines and blocking together.

It was the first time

In many months

Where I was focusing on helping someone else with their problems

Rather than stewing over mine

And the next night

He was wonderful

We all swallowed him up in a group hug backstage after the show finished

Celebrating what an incredible feat he had done

And the season started to change

The skies began to clear

Spring arrived

And with it

I got my rest

And sustainably finished the show

And ten years later

I find myself sitting in a cafe

Thinking about the first time I asked for help

Hope this helps

X

How to Wait Well

“Hey Sheasby.

I’d love to know how you navigate a period of unemployment after the high of a main stage show. I’m finding that one day I’m consistent and then I drop off the next. Without that external pressure of a rehearsal or call time, or even an audition to tape, I consistently have to mine that resource for motivation to be creative and ‘progress’ forward (whatever that means!) Definitely difficult. Thanks again.

Cheers, Larry” (Name changed for privacy)

Hey Larry

Thank you for this question

A few things to discuss here,

This question comes up a lot with professional actors

Why?

Well

Because the majority of an acting career is waiting.

The busiest year I’ve experienced professionally

I had four jobs back to back

One film & three TV series (2 BBC & 1 Netflix)

Zig-zagging between Australia, USA & New Zealand

6 directors

4 characters

3 accents

1 overweight bag with my life crammed into it

But as busy as I felt at the time

When I look back and do the math

The total amount of days I was actually on set during that year, in costume, filming in front of the camera

Was probably only around 45-50 days

What the hell was going on the rest of the time?

Sure - there is all the prep stuff…

Research

Costume fittings

Accent lessons

Private acting sessions

Prop training

Stunt training

Etc, etc

But even with all that…

Our industry comes with an insane amount of waiting

Particularly for actors

Waiting for the producers to decide if we get the job or not

Waiting during the negotiating phase

Waiting for confirmation of the contract

Waiting for the job to actually begin (This last film I just did, I waited 2 years for it to start)

Waiting for approval on character details like costume, accent, etc etc

Waiting to meet the director and cast

Waiting for the final draft of the script

Waiting to find out what scenes we are filming tomorrow

Waiting to be contractually released so we can try get another job

AND THEN

All the waiting when we finally do get on set

In between scenes

In between shots

In between setups

In between takes

My god

4am start, dressed and ready to film by 8 am, only to actually start filming at 6 pm!

So, if I’m going to spend more time “waiting” than actually giving my work in front of the lens

The question then becomes

How can I wait well regardless of external factors taking their time

Firstly lets just address the concept of fulfilment:

Just because we spent the day waiting doesn’t mean we have to go to bed unfulfilled

We have 3 requirements for fulfilment

One: Sense of Competence - Am I actually contributing value to the tribe?

Two: Sense of Connection - Am I doing this with people I have genuine relationships with?

And Three: Sense of Authenticity - Am I still able to “do me” within the tribe? Serving the tribe in a way that’s honest & aligned with my values, boundaries etc

Let’s take those 3 aspects into consideration as we move forward

Okay

The Golf Ball Metaphor

I’ll just give the quick version

A professor walks into the class with a big empty jar

She then fills the jar with golf balls and asks the class if the jar is full?

“Yes” They say

She then adds pebbles into the jar which fill in all the gaps between the golf balls

She then asks again if the jar is now full?

“Yes” they respond

She then adds sand into the jar which fill in all the tiny gaps in between the pebbles

Full now?

“YES”

Lastly, the professor picks up a glass of wine and pours it into the jar until the wine reaches the surface

Alright

What’s the point

The jar was full from the start when there were the least amount of objects inside it

This leads us to the question

What are your golfballs?

What are the fewest & most important areas of your life which

If taken care of

Provide you with a sense of fulfilment

Regardless of you waiting in your acting career.

Your health?

Your relationships?

Your wealth?

Your environments?

Your religion?

Education

Your work/contribution?

Etc

There’s a tonne of rabbit holes to go down here

(Which I do in my career course - shameless plug: https://www.actorsblueprint.com/course)

But what’s clear is that no acting job is going to magically come fix everything

I have seen so many actors over the years

Absolutely devastated at not getting the job

Not because of how much they wanted to actually play the role

But because of how much they wanted to escape from their situation.

Now, I would be lying if I was to say I never felt a sense of relief at getting a job

Like everything was going to be okay

But that feeling never really lasted more than a day or two

Before I’d come back down to earth and realise

The buck stops with me.

I have to admit

My life has never magically gotten better because I got an acting role

But damn sure my acting has gotten better because I started working on building a more fulfilling life.

Alright let’s go in another direction

As I started to mature out of my 20’s and enter my 30’s

I had more & more close colleagues

Working professional artists whom I respected and loved

For whatever personal or professional reasons

Reach out to external accountability

(In the form of therapists, psychologists or councillors)

And a theme which became very apparent very quickly

Was a theme of “of course”

“Of course you’re anxious”

“Of course you’re depressed”

“Of course you’re rattled & confused”

Why?

Well

Explain your lifestyle as an unemployed actor to anyone who has a degree in the mental health sciences

And they will probably look at you with some curiosity

Homo sapiens

We are creatures of habit

The sun rises

We behave in predictable ways and do habitual things

The sun then sets

Repeat

Now, you take the average actor

Kick them out of drama school or a professional job

Where they are told where to go and what to do at all times

And tell them

Go do whatever you want with all the free time in the world

AND you don’t know where your next pay check will come from

Which will effect your ability to eat and have shelter

Mmm

“Of course”

Now

Tell an actor to add some structure to their day and their might be a bit of resistance

To which I believe the most helpful reminder here is that of

Do the least you think you can handle

Remember

Amateurs try to lots. Pros do less, that’s why they do it better.

The point is

Give yourself to walls to play within

There are only so many days you can drink cocktails on the beach before your body starts screaming

“Hey… We gonna do something or what!?”

So

In addressing the second part of your question

“consistently have to mine that resource for motivation”

I say

Don’t

That sounds like way too much work!

Relying on motivation… that sounds bloody exhausting

Why?

Because that’s relying on emotions

Which change every second of the day

What do I think is actually worth relying on?

Brainless process

Brainless structure

Brainless systems

Processes which are so easy that they take care of the work for you

Keep asking yourself

What would this look like it was easy?

What would working on my craft look like if it were easy?

What would waiting for the next job look like if it were easy?

That two minute message to your reader which says:

“Hi. Wanna meet at mine on Wednesday at 2pm for 2 hours? We can chat for 30. Then self tape for 45 minutes each.”

That sixty second phone call to that class or course which says:

“I’m in!”

That one email to that coach that says:

“When are you next available? I would love to make progress”

Keep it simple.

Now, personally,I don’t believe in talent

But I do believe some artists are really great at putting themselves in helpful environments with other helpful people

Which makes growth and fulfilment inevitable

Make that easy

And the rest will take care of itself

Hope this helps

x

Danger On Set

Many years ago

I was working on a movie

I flew to the island for rehearsals two weeks before filming commenced

Part of those rehearsals included fight choreography

When I rocked up to that first stunt rehearsal

We did some basic warm up drills

And then commenced working on some fights

I’ve done plenty of fight choreography in my years as a professional actor

We had plenty of it at drama school

And probably more than half the jobs I have had have involved some kind of physical altercation

(Just last month I shot my first under water fight scene)

This means I’ve had plenty of time with stunties

Now

It’s a small town vibe in our Australian industry

So I have worked with several fight choreographers & stunties multiple times

And have gotten to know them quite well

A wonderful stunty, Ben, has double me at least six or seven times

Point being

I have some radar for what a normal fight rehearsal looks like

As well as having at least some level of understanding and awareness of what their job entails

And what a normal collaboration between actors and stunties looks like

So I found it a little strange when

During this particular rehearsal

My gut felt a little off

Hard to explain

Just certain things being said

Little short cuts here and there

As well as the sudden (and strange) encouragement of intensity only once the director had walked in

A kind of “make me look good” vibe

Mmm

Anyway

Later that night

I sat silently eating dinner

And just couldn’t shake the strange feeling

My gut was still off

In fact

It was off just enough for me to let it lead

I picked up the phone

And reached out to a particular stunt coordinator

Someone who I would literally trust with my life

Just flagging my situation and seeing if he knew something I didn’t

He texted back within thirty seconds.

To say that he went out of his way to protect me

Is a drastic understatement

He explained everything

All of the chaos that was associated with that certain individual in the industry

And dear god

The injuries of people who were under that persons supervision…

It was terrifying

One stunty will never walk the same

Another almost got squashed by a falling car

And most tragically

One young man sadly never made it home to his baby daughter

Okay

Hairs were standing up on the back of my neck by now

This persons advice?

“Mike

Take care of yourself.

You have experience

So if you notice something is off

Listen to it

And go straight to your safety supervisor or first AD”.

I thanked him profusely

And off I went

To make a movie

With a fight choreographer who had a very iffy wrap sheet

And what happened?

On the second day of filming

I had a big fight scene

I had to punch the antagonist

Then he had to grab me by the throat

And slam me down on a wooden table.

As we were getting ready to begin filming

I realised I wasn’t wearing a back pad to protect my spine

So I asked the choreographer

“Could I please get my pad?”

His response?

“Na, you won’t need it”

Huh?

Ooo

There it is

That little gem

Dissonance

The lack of harmony in the mind or body

Millions of years of biology doing it’s best to protect me

I noticed it

Took a breath

And this time

I made a new choice

I turned instead to the safety supervisor and said

“I would like my back pad please”

…

Now

It might not seem like much

But I think about this moment a lot

I am someone who generally walks around pretty terrified

I don’t think that’s an uncommon thing

I see it in my colleagues on set

I see it in my classes & clients

Heck

An Oscar winning director once walked passed me on the first day of filming and said

“I have no fucking idea what I’m doing”

Yep

Everyone is afarid

It aint good, bad, right or wrong

But what fills me with joy

Is when I see artists & performers change their relationship with fear

Rather than wishing it away

When I see them respond to dissonance

Rather than react to it

When I see them make a new choice

A choice to do things their way

Like letting the body lead

Even when its scary to do so

Like connecting with others

When you just want to hide in your shell

Or like reaching out for help

Even when you feel like you’re going to look like an idiot.

Yes… I might still be an idiot

But at least this idiot still has a spine

Hope this helps

x

Get Out The Bubble

There is something more important

Than representing your industry

That is

Representing human beings

And human beings…

Are designed to survive

We are full of fear

Fear of change

Fear of difference

Fear of the unknown

Remember

The most boring thing for a casting director

Is when an actor walks in wearing all black

With a “I live for acting” tattoo on their forehead

Casting directors want people

Directors want humans

Producers want messy, complex, grey, flawed members of society

And that’s hard to give

Hard to supply

When actors stay in their bubble

What bubble you say?

Remember that moment when Trump became president?

Our industry laughed, joked, ridiculed in unison during the election

There was no way it could actually happen!

And then

It happened

That’s the bubble I’m talking about

The bubble that says we don’t understand the other side

The bubble that says our perspective is the only one we know

The bubble that says we judge what we don’t know

Now

Of course

No one thinks they are in the bubble

I certainly didn’t

Then I moved to LA and sat down in a waiting room for a casting and realised

I was wearing the exact same casual outfit as all four guys sitting next to me

Yep

Maybe

Just maybe

I loved the idea of being an actor

More than the craft of acting itself

Maybe

If my job as an actor is to have moments of human connection on the stage or in front of the lens

Then maybe it’s time to focus on being a human being

Maybe it’s time for change

Time to find common ground with people I previously judged

Time to listen to the problems of people whom I thought had none

Time to go live in far away countries

Time to go make mistakes

Time to get shitty jobs

Time to travel

Time to fail

Time to jump

Time to give up

Time to carry the weight of responsibly

Time to feel brave

Time to feel terrified

Time to be a messy, grey, complex human being

Time to live

Hope this helps

x

More Important than Being Good

At the end of 2023

Just before the Chrissy break

I had set up a meeting with my dear agent

Just to have lunch in person and catch up

At the last minute she cancelled

Hey, no biggie

“We’ll catch up when the new year begins”

But

Surprisingly

I remember actually feeling a bit vulnerable

Something seemed a bit off

I noticed it

Focussed on what I could control

And moved on

Chrissy break came and went

And after a beautiful summer of watching my daughter splash around in the rock pools

I was walking down a cobbled street in Sydney

When my phone rang

“Nixxx”

That first agent call for the new year

Something I’ve experienced thirteen summers in a row since leaving drama school

I picked up the phone with enthusiasm

But was met with an strange tone

I stopped

“Mike…

This is really hard

It’s not great news I’m afraid”

I went into tunnel vision

My body immediately began protecting itself

And my imagination ran wild

Within two seconds I convinced myself I was about to be dropped

For being too patient

For taking my time

For saying no too many times over the last few years

I noticed the chaotic & fearful thoughts

Stop, Mike

Breath

Bring it back to her

“What is it Nixxx?”

I asked

“Oh mike…

The time has come”

I realised what was occurring

I knew it was going to happen at some point

My agent had begun her career as a casting director many decades ago

Moved to one of the big agencies for another decade

And eventually opened her own agency

And as the years went by

I was asked by more and more people

“What will you do when your agent retires?”

That time snuck up on me

Sooner than I thought it would

And suddenly I found myself standing in the street

Realising…

Change had arrived.

We had a long conversation

Of course, there were many tears

Many questions

The plan was to close shop within six months

We eventually said our sniffly goodbyes

And I sat down

I find it interesting looking back

That when we were in connection on the phone

The bulk of our conversation was based around her

How was she doing?

Was she okay?

How was she coping?

Having to call all her clients and go through these conversations over and over again?

Dealing with one of the biggest chapter changes in life?

Letting go of work she has contributed for many decades?

But as soon as I was alone

I suddenly began to think about myself

What the hell will happen to me?

“Actors will flood into the industry!”

I told myself

A huge urge to rush came flooding into my body

I should act fast!

I should send as many emails as soon as possible!

If I don’t act now I will get left behind!

I dropped my head

That felt…

Awful

Exhausting

Heavy

No…

That’s not what I want

An old voice came into my head

“When you feel the urge to speed up… slow down”

Yep

Clear

I just had the most wonderful professional relationship for thirteen years

I have explored & written about it multiple times

The factors that I believe made the most significant difference in building that relationship were:

Taking my time

And letting my body lead

So

I realised

The most important thing to do in this moment

Also happened to be the most terrifying:

Nothing

I decided to do nothing

I would rather enjoy the last six months we have together

And take my time in finding that new professional relationship.

So off I went

To do nothing!

The months went by

Nixxx and I had our normal weekly call to check in

She was inundated with photos of my daughter being a beautiful dork

And we even squeezed in one more gig together

But as June arrived

I realised it was time to step into the unknown

Now

You may have noticed from the passed three weeks

There has been a sneaky theme going on

How to build that new agent relationship

Yep

I have been wading through the confusing and scary world myself

Trying to find clarity

And then passing it on

Side note:

I you wanna know how that process started…

I went to my partner

Told her I was about to step into a world of vulnerability

And let her know I’m going to likely be feeling really scared for a couple weeks

And damn was I accurate

The very first meeting I had

I lasted about ten minutes before I blurted out

“Hey…

I’m actually feeling really nervous right now

I haven’t done this in over a decade and kind of don’t know what to do”

To which we both burst out laughing

Grown ups = Big kids not knowing what to do

And that’s okay.

I am still mid process

Working my way through confusion, fear, excitement, guilt, sadness, rejection, humiliation, pride, arrogance, and all the glorious ups & downs a process like this brings for any artist.

And I will, no doubt, be passing on my learnings over the weeks to come

But something has been pulling at my sleeve

As the meeting have gone on

It’s caused me to really think about the passed thirteen years

About what has flowed

Or more accurately

Why something has flowed

I harp on a tonne about investing one’s time and energy in two things:

Skills (Getting as good as possible)

And character (Behaving in line with values)

(Things I am still working on daily)

But

The last few weeks have provided me with a bit of a shock

Skills and character

Only happen because of one thing

One very crucial thing…

People

The people you invest your time with

The friend you grab a coffee with after being rejected for the 74th time

The fellow student you dance like an idiot with to blow off steam

The colleague you help with that self tape which lands them that role

The teacher who supported you when you believed with all your heart and soul that you should throw in the towel

The coach who makes you do that 19th take to help you break through that wall

The mentor who gives you the space to feel heard

The agent who says “take your time” when you feel the urge to rush

The best friend who celebrates that little win with you

The partner who holds your face when its covered in salty tears

No human exists outside of connection with others

No artist exists outside of connection with other humans

And no actor builds a fulfilling career without people they love

So…

Here’s a nod to the people you share your time with on this earth

The human beings you invest your energy with as an artist

The people

Your people

Your people

Hope this helps

x

Agent Email Draft

Hello

Nothing fancy here

Just thought I would share a rough draft for reaching out to an agent

Hope this helps x

———————

Dearest XXXXX

My name is Michael Sheasby. I’m currently filming NCIS Sydney and am leading a yet-to-be-released feature film called Two Ugly People (which was pre-selected for the Venice Film Festival last week).

My dear friend XXXXXX, whom you represent, has mentioned wonderful things about you over the past decade. In fact, I have several close friends & colleagues who have spoken so highly of you - so I wanted to reach out. 

My agent of the past thirteen years, XXXXXXX, has decided to retire at the end of this financial year (June 2024). It’s been a truly wonderful professional relationship, but I realise it’s time I begin conversations in regards to moving forward professionally. 

I’m wondering if you have some time over the next few weeks to have a chat about potential representation? 

I would love to hear back from you, XXXXX.

Sincerely,

Michael 

0422XXXXXX

—————————

Showreel: https://vimeo.com/693847781 

IMDB: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm4650436 

Awards Highlights:

• AACTA Nominee for Best Supporting Actor (The Nightingale, 2019)

• Film Critics Circle of Australia Award Nomination for Best Supporting Actor (The Nightingale, 2020)

• Casting Guild of Australia Rising Star Award Winner (2018)

• Heath Ledger Scholarship (Runner Up, 2012)

Screen Highlights:

• The Nightingale (Dir. Jennifer Kent, 2018)

• Two Ugly People (Dir. Peter Skinner, 2024)

• The Secrets She Keeps (BBC & Channel Ten, 2020)

• The Luminaries (BBC, 2020)

• Hacksaw Ridge (Dir. Mel Gibson, 2016)

Theatre Highlights:

• Valentine in Arcadia (STC, 2016)

• King Henry in Henry V (Bell Shakespeare, 2014)

• Romeo in Romeo & Juliet (Bell Shakespeare, 2011)

Training Highlights: 

• Bachelor of Dramatic Arts, NIDA (2010)

• Trained extensively with private acting coaches such as Elizabeth Kemp, Miranda Harcourt & Susan Batson, among others.