Embarrassment On Set

“Don’t care what others think”

Man this grinds my gears

Caring about what others think is not a bad thing

We are human beings

Homo sapiens

We are biologically designed to care what the tribe thinks

If we are actin the fool and get kicked out of the group

And we are left without the safety of those connections

We might be fending off the beast in the darkness alone

Alone is a very scary thing for a homo sapien

Our strong connections to each other played a crucial role in our survival and evolution as a species

So anything that impacts our connections needs to be respected

It makes so much sense that our brain would want to keep checking in

To keep reminding us to question if we are being accepted

And therefore safe

Within the group.

So

Totally normal

And okay

(And healthy!)

To care what others think

But

That doesn’t mean you have to give up

On doing what you honestly want to do

In the way you’d honestly like to do it

Permission to care about what others think

But also

Permission to still jump off that scary ledge

And give your work, your way

The ones who are most important to you

Will still be there to give you a loving, safe hug

After you’ve just fallen on your face

The colleagues who really know their shit

Will understand and appreciate what it takes to put yourself out there

How do I know this?

Gulp

A story I’ve never told

Which I actually still feel awkward about

(Sweating right now thinking about it)

There was a scene

In a big studio film I was working on

It involved my character having a heart attack

Man, I was terrified about that scene

Several Oscar winners and nominees were on set that day

There were about twenty other cast members all standing around looking at my character in the scene

And I knew

I wanted to give as good of a heart heart attack as I possibly could

I wanted to give the best work

The most generous work

I knew how to give at that point

But

I cared so, so much about what everyone else was thinking

What if I tried and they laughed?

Or whispered behind my back that I was an idiot?

I gulped

And took a step off the ledge

I asked props for some sand bags in my backpack to help me lose my balance more believably when I fell

I did push ups to try exhaust myself so my panicked and struggling breaths might come across more believably

Before the take I was trying to be there in the characters moment before

What was happening in the few minutes before that moment as my character was realising he was having heart troubles whilst trying to keep pace with the rest of his fellow soldiers?

And guess what!!?!?!

The scene sucked

In my opinion

It absolutely sucked

And

What’s worse?

I felt like such a fucking moron for trying

A try-hard

I told myself the story that I was a try hard who just sucked at acting

But

As we walked back for a final take

I felt a hand on my shoulder

It was an Oscar nominee

Someone I really respect in this business and who’s work on screen I just adore

I had my head down facing the dirt

And I heard whispered

In a kind and caring tone

“You’re a really great actor man”

I felt like crying

Now

I know - Lol - I know I was giving terrible work that day

(Just to back up my reading of the situation - The scene was cut from the film)

But I also know

That that particular actor saw that I was - at the very least - taking a risk

I was at least trying

Trying to give everything to the moment

And that was something worth rewarding

I took a leap

I felt I flopped

But a respected colleague came in to remind me how safe I was

Never

Never underestimate the power of a hand on the shoulder

Reminding the body that it’s safe

Safe to play

Safe to be a messy, grey human being

What’s my point?

Permission to care what others think

And

Permission to still go ahead and do you

Those that matter most to you will catch you

Hope this helps

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