Hungover On Set

Once upon a time

I had my first regular role on a TV show

And boy was I happy about it

I had friends in the cast

1950’s costumes to wear

And antique cars to drive.

And as the shows antagonist

I got to do a tonne of high conflict scenes with plenty of fight scenes

I was elated when I got the call saying I got the role.

We were shooting out in the country

So I would pack my bags

Head out to shoot for a couple days in the fresh air

Then return to Sydney

And when the show needed me for the next episode

Or block of filming

I would repeat the process.

After a couple of repetitions of this pattern

I began to notice something

After having regular breaks from filming

My first day back into it

Always seemed to feel like a first day

Nerves, fear, angst, pushing

It would take me a day or two to realise that everything was actually okay

And I could simply just focus on the work again

Relax back into things

But then I’d have another week or two or three off

And return with the same jitters

I’ve noticed this a lot over the last few years

The actors who are on set every day

Usually arrive at a place of feeling at home of set

A heck of a lot faster than those who come in an out for a few days at a time

Makes sense I guess

Time in the arena

The brain argues less with the physical experience

The body simply has more proof it can do the thing.

Any way

After three or four repetitions of this pattern

I became frustrated

I would start beating myself up

“Why can’t I just relax!”

Being a 22 year old

Fresh out of drama school

I only really knew one way to take care of my brain

By screaming at it

And if that didn’t work?

I would scream louder

Yep

Good ‘ol do the same thing and expect the same result :)

Then one night

Something changed

The cast and crew

Had finished a day of filming

And were all in the hotel restaurant having dinner

When we were informed about some tragic news

(Which, for privacy’s sake, I won’t go into)

But it became clear

That an early bed time was not going to happen.

The group slowly started to make it’s way to the big stone fireplace in the corner

Where some sat on chairs

Others sat on the floor

And we came together

We stayed up way passed our bed time

And the bar flowed

As did the stories, songs and connecting

It was like everyone knew

Being together as a group

Was more important than everyone getting their beauty sleep for work the next day

And as the night came to an end

People shared hugs

Long hugs

Longer than the “good night mate” kind of hugs

It was more like the

“Hey, we have each other, and that makes things okay” kind of hugs.

When I got back to my hotel room

I saw my scenes for the next day lying on my table

Maybe it was the tipsiness

Maybe it was a result of the long hugs

But something grabbed my curiosity

And I spent the next hour jumping & flopping around my room

Messing around with the script

Playing with it freely

Just being a dork and letting the silly choices out.

The next morning

When I woke

I was exhausted

Definitely hungover

But strangely

Felt very relaxed about working that day

And after about two takes of the first scene that morning

The director ran up to me with a big smile

“Mate!

What’s gotten into you today!?

Bloody amazing!

Keep playing like that!”

And I thought to myself

“Oh… SHIT”

Yep

I immediately began telling myself the story

“I’m only giving good work…

Because I’m hungover”

Now

Let’s call a space a spade

Substances on set

Obviously unprofessional

But on top of that

The reliance on external factors to provide generous work…

Yup

That makes a fragile artist

But

There has to be a silver lining here

Some lessons that are worth stealing

Lessons to help me move forward sustainably

To help me give generous work in a healthy way

Curious…

Drumroll

How to give hungover level work

Without actually being hungover

One

Connection

The evening before that day of filming

I connected with the tribe

There was clarity over what is actually important

(life, relationships, the group of humans trying to survive another day)

There was honesty during a difficult time

There was vulnerability

And there was trust

We had each others backs

Two

Free flowing self expression

Like a jammed up old tap in a house being turned back on for the first time in a while

I let out the brown water

I let the choices flow

No matter how stupid, ugly, gross, murky or silly my egoic mind might have judged them to be

I let them live out in the open

Let them breathe

Rather than keeping them inside

And trying to judge which would work in the safe confines of my mind

Three

Clarity

From exhaustion

Came a situation in which I only had so much energy to give

So

I had to be very clear about what was actually worth caring about

No worrying about what this person said

Or what that person did

Action

Lines, lens, connect with other actor

Cut

Rest

Take direction

Repeat.

To be clear

What did being hungover on set teach me?

What has it inspired in me moving forward?

Connect honestly with my tribe, especially when difficult to do so

Create the time and space to let my body let out all the impulses

No matter how much my brain wants to judge them as good, bad, right or wrong

Let them live

And finally

Get clear about what’s actually worth caring about

Hope this helps

X