The Starving Artist
“A starving artist is someone who’s art means a lot to them, but no-one else”
Mmm
Curious
It’s been a year since I heard that quote
And yet it still nudges me in the same uncomfortable way as it did back then
I think there is a little light inside me that flickers on when I hear it
A knowing deep down that understands this idea maybe more than my mind does
What is it telling me?
Well
Straight up
I have been saying no for two years
“No”
When I returned from making a movie in 2020
I hadn’t been home for 3 days before I was offered a lead role in the next
It felt strange
I’ve never really been an actor whose moved from job to job non-stop for more than about a year
So getting work back to back has always sat a bit strange with me
In this particular case
I really felt like I should say yes
A lead role offered to me without even auditioning?
Heck, yeah!
Work, money, new colleagues, etc
It was an opportunity
And actor’s should say yes to all opportunities, right?
Mmm
I’m not sure things are that black and white
Something was off
The conversations I was having with the director
The last minute changes to the script
The script itself
It wasn’t sitting well
I had 2 weeks to make a decision
So the question back then became
What decision would I regret NOT doing the most?
To NOT listen to my body?
To NOT take the job and miss out on the money & opportunity to act?
I chose my body
I chose to walk away
I chose to say “no, thank you”
And that’s what worked for me then
I was really proud of that decision
It felt honest, open and in line with me
But that was back then
And something that I think might have leaked out of that experience
Was a momentum of “no’s”
“No” became almost my default response
“Waiting for that special one”, I would tell myself
“Waiting for that one that lights my body on fire”
Until one day
When I was wandering around in a pet shop (still one of my favourite things to do)
I noticed a big beautiful tank that covered the whole wall
With some of my favourite African fish swimming around in it
They were stunning
But one side of the tank was almost empty
I shuffled over to the empty side and noticed something
There was almost no life there whatsoever
The rocks were bare
No plants grew
And when I looked at the surface of the water
It was dirty, stagnant and almost mouldy
It seemed the water filter wasn’t reaching over to that side of the tank
So there was no movement in the water
No movement
No life
Mmm
No movement… no life
“A starving artist is someone who’s art means a lot to them, but no-one else”
What is this telling me?
I can sit still in my lounge and wait for the “right one” all I want
But at some point
If I want life
Then maybe I need to go first
Maybe it’s me who needs to make the first move
Curious
Where can you afford to move in order to contribute more of your art to the tribe?
Hope this helps
X