Into The Wild

I spent Saturday night in the wild

I’ve wanted to try it for a long time

Im not talking about camping, with tents and gear

I mean walking into the bush

Finding a natural shelter

Making a fire

And spending the night under the stars

So me and a buddy hiked a few hours into the Blue Mountains

Found a river

(And a Brown snake)

And placed our sleeping bags under a collection of big boulders where we had some protection from the elements

As darkness fell, the heartbeats started to rise

We had a fire

Some meat from a lamb I butchered a few months ago

And a hip flask of whiskey (thanks Jack)

But as we lost the light

So too we lost the sense of knowing what was around us 

And at midnight, a crack of thunder burst through the darkness

The wind hurled ambers in our faces

The rain drenched our fire, taking with it the last remaining light

And water began to run down the sides of the rocks above us

Very quickly, we felt very small

And for about an hour, I didn’t stop smiling

I’m still trying to figure out why

Maybe it was the acceptance that there were so few things I could control

Maybe it was that I had so few choices available for me to make

Maybe it was simply being in nature, a place I have found solace in since I was very young 

But reflecting on it in my warm bed this morning

There was a humility that night 

One that maybe I haven’t felt in a while

That nature can put me back in the soil anytime she wants

And no matter how hard I try

How much I want to achieve certain things

How much I want to control things or be sure they will happen

At the end of the day

Im just a small vulnerable human being

Who has no idea why he’s here, or what what he’s doing

I think what I felt that night

(which Im not feeling even just 36 hours later as I write this back in my comfort zone)

Was the deep acceptance of not knowing

That I don’t know… and that that’s okay

Hope this helps

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