Drop the Guard
Once upon a time
I auditioned for a BBC series
At the time, I had longish hair
Six months later…
I got cast and had 6 days to make it to New Zealand with a polished Scottish accent
I rocked up with a recently shaved head.
This is around the time I discovered that my hairline was “maturing”
And shaving my head made that blatantly obvious
I felt really scared of how I would look on screen
But also
When I read the book for the show
So much was written about the character's “long flowing locks of dark black hair”
I just…
Felt a bit stupid
I got on the phone with a wonderful acting coach
Who deals with this kind of stuff all the time - artists dealing with decisions whilst managing the powers above them.
He said
“Mike, regardless of what’s going to happen with all the external stuff - the accent, the costumes, the hair - let’s just focus on giving your character a great heart…
Make that real and the audience won’t care how you look”
This really helped me in that moment
It gave me a clear and meaningful place to steer my focus
I then went to my design meeting...
“Hey Mike
Let’s try some moustaches on you”
My heart dropped as I saw the tray of hairy monstrosities
Moustaches!?
I’m filming in 3 days and they want me to have a massive Quintin Tarantino Moustache!?
Ugh
I took a big breath
“Hey, Sarah”
“Yes, hun?”
She gently put her hands on my shoulders
knowing something was up
“I’m just feeling a bit scared right now…
My hairline, this moustache…
I just… kind of feel… ugly
And not really inline with the character at all
And I’m just nervous about looking silly”
She put down the tray of large moustaches and sat in the chair next to me...
“Mike, let’s have chat”
So we did
We had an honest conversation
We breathed lot’s and were patient in hearing the others points of view
We both had jobs
And we both wanted to do our jobs well
So
We moved forward together
We covered my hairline with some magic stuff
We chose a moustache we both liked
And I got to pick my favourite hat which I got to wear in ALL the outdoor scenes :)
What’s my point?
Well
Where did things turn around?
In the moment I dropped my guard
The moment I spoke up and voiced my fears to the person standing in front of me
I cannot tell you the amount of stories I have which went in the opposite direction to this
Because of one simple reason
I kept trying to protect myself
As opposed to dropping my guard and speaking my truth
I use to think strength was about me shutting up in these moments
Grinding through
Handling it internally
Now?
I think, sometimes, the bravest thing I can do
Is drop my shoulders
Take a breath
Look at the person in front of me in the eyes
And say
“Hey, I’m struggling a bit”
Sending hugs
X