Not Proud
QUESTION:
“Hey Michael. A bit controversial… How do you, as an actor go about promoting your work when you don’t like how the film or performance turned out? It’s a balance with being authentic, whilst also not being an absolute jerk. Sometimes my performance has changed because scenes have been re-ordered or edited (And of course, that happens). I dunno. I just can’t justify sending people to watch movies when I know they’re bad. Actor X”
ANSWER:
Hey Actor X
Thank you for sending this through
I might be the worst actor to ask this question
I have to confess
Pre 2016
I cannot recall inviting anyone to a single show
Or letting anyone know when I was appearing in some random episode of television
I just hardly ever felt proud of the work
I thought it was never good enough
So I made my best attempt to hide the stuff I didn’t like
Pretend it never happened
I wanted to bury my head
I wanted people to only see my best work
I wanted to control what they saw
I wanted to manage my reputation for them
Totally normal thing to do
Why?
Because I was afraid
I was scared of what they might think if they saw all my bits
My ugly bits
My mistakes, failings and messy work
I wanted them to only see my shiny best parts
So they could go
OOOOOOOO
AHHHHHHH
WOOOOAH
And how bloody normal
We are biologically wired to care what others think
Being ostracised by the group meant a higher likelihood of death for millions of years
And its still there deeply ingrained in us
Caring what others think is a bloody beautiful, and totally normal thing
And I certainly don’t want to waste any more time or energy on this earth
Trying to pretend I don’t care what loved ones, friends or even strangers think about me
To judge that as wrong or a bad thing
So
Permission to care what others think!
As for your question
Three points to make here
One
You cannot control your reputation
That is for others to decide
It is completely out of your control
What can you control?
Your skill development
Your behaviour
Your process
Two
It’s the teams work you are celebrating, not yours.
This has been a painful one for me
For so long I was an expert at making the work about me
I forgot about the entire group of inidivudals who actually make the damn thing
Who all put in hundreds, if not thousands of hours of their time
Who invest long nights, physical labour and deep focus into that one tiny shot that makes the cut
My wrinkly forehead might be the thing that is presented to the audience in that moment
But that wrinkly forehead is standing of the shoulders of giants.
The last job I had
We were filming the last shot of a very big day
It was about 2 am
And in the scene
I head butted a door and put a big hole in it
The next day
I walked passed in the early hours of the morning
And there were two crew members replacing that door
Which took several hours
My little action on set
Meant many hours of work for two other humans
They gave up their time they could be using to work on other things
To patch up my work
To cover my arse
Ugh
The team
We are standing on each others shoulders
And if I do media for that gig over the next 12-24 months
It’s their work I want to celebrate
The teams effort
Three
Kings who don’t accept the fool are doomed.
Resisting mistakes is a mistake
When my young daughter is playing with that weird musical instrument her granny gave her for Christmas
It is exactly that
PLAY
Which means there are no mistakes
And because she has zero fear of failure
Once and a while
A completely magical moment will occur
My point?
Find freedom in failure
Your most generous work is on the other side of it
And the only way
Is through
So
Embrace the shit
The mess, the ugly, the complex, the grey
Embrace the human bits
Your human bits
Want to give your most generous work?
Commence the slow, kind and gentle process of giving your worst work to the world
Hope this helps
X