More Important than Being Good

At the end of 2023

Just before the Chrissy break

I had set up a meeting with my dear agent

Just to have lunch in person and catch up

At the last minute she cancelled

Hey, no biggie

“We’ll catch up when the new year begins”

But

Surprisingly

I remember actually feeling a bit vulnerable

Something seemed a bit off

I noticed it

Focussed on what I could control

And moved on

Chrissy break came and went

And after a beautiful summer of watching my daughter splash around in the rock pools

I was walking down a cobbled street in Sydney

When my phone rang

“Nixxx”

That first agent call for the new year

Something I’ve experienced thirteen summers in a row since leaving drama school

I picked up the phone with enthusiasm

But was met with an strange tone

I stopped

“Mike…

This is really hard

It’s not great news I’m afraid”

I went into tunnel vision

My body immediately began protecting itself

And my imagination ran wild

Within two seconds I convinced myself I was about to be dropped

For being too patient

For taking my time

For saying no too many times over the last few years

I noticed the chaotic & fearful thoughts

Stop, Mike

Breath

Bring it back to her

“What is it Nixxx?”

I asked

“Oh mike…

The time has come”

I realised what was occurring

I knew it was going to happen at some point

My agent had begun her career as a casting director many decades ago

Moved to one of the big agencies for another decade

And eventually opened her own agency

And as the years went by

I was asked by more and more people

“What will you do when your agent retires?”

That time snuck up on me

Sooner than I thought it would

And suddenly I found myself standing in the street

Realising…

Change had arrived.

We had a long conversation

Of course, there were many tears

Many questions

The plan was to close shop within six months

We eventually said our sniffly goodbyes

And I sat down

I find it interesting looking back

That when we were in connection on the phone

The bulk of our conversation was based around her

How was she doing?

Was she okay?

How was she coping?

Having to call all her clients and go through these conversations over and over again?

Dealing with one of the biggest chapter changes in life?

Letting go of work she has contributed for many decades?

But as soon as I was alone

I suddenly began to think about myself

What the hell will happen to me?

“Actors will flood into the industry!”

I told myself

A huge urge to rush came flooding into my body

I should act fast!

I should send as many emails as soon as possible!

If I don’t act now I will get left behind!

I dropped my head

That felt…

Awful

Exhausting

Heavy

No…

That’s not what I want

An old voice came into my head

“When you feel the urge to speed up… slow down”

Yep

Clear

I just had the most wonderful professional relationship for thirteen years

I have explored & written about it multiple times

The factors that I believe made the most significant difference in building that relationship were:

Taking my time

And letting my body lead

So

I realised

The most important thing to do in this moment

Also happened to be the most terrifying:

Nothing

I decided to do nothing

I would rather enjoy the last six months we have together

And take my time in finding that new professional relationship.

So off I went

To do nothing!

The months went by

Nixxx and I had our normal weekly call to check in

She was inundated with photos of my daughter being a beautiful dork

And we even squeezed in one more gig together

But as June arrived

I realised it was time to step into the unknown

Now

You may have noticed from the passed three weeks

There has been a sneaky theme going on

How to build that new agent relationship

Yep

I have been wading through the confusing and scary world myself

Trying to find clarity

And then passing it on

Side note:

I you wanna know how that process started…

I went to my partner

Told her I was about to step into a world of vulnerability

And let her know I’m going to likely be feeling really scared for a couple weeks

And damn was I accurate

The very first meeting I had

I lasted about ten minutes before I blurted out

“Hey…

I’m actually feeling really nervous right now

I haven’t done this in over a decade and kind of don’t know what to do”

To which we both burst out laughing

Grown ups = Big kids not knowing what to do

And that’s okay.

I am still mid process

Working my way through confusion, fear, excitement, guilt, sadness, rejection, humiliation, pride, arrogance, and all the glorious ups & downs a process like this brings for any artist.

And I will, no doubt, be passing on my learnings over the weeks to come

But something has been pulling at my sleeve

As the meeting have gone on

It’s caused me to really think about the passed thirteen years

About what has flowed

Or more accurately

Why something has flowed

I harp on a tonne about investing one’s time and energy in two things:

Skills (Getting as good as possible)

And character (Behaving in line with values)

(Things I am still working on daily)

But

The last few weeks have provided me with a bit of a shock

Skills and character

Only happen because of one thing

One very crucial thing…

People

The people you invest your time with

The friend you grab a coffee with after being rejected for the 74th time

The fellow student you dance like an idiot with to blow off steam

The colleague you help with that self tape which lands them that role

The teacher who supported you when you believed with all your heart and soul that you should throw in the towel

The coach who makes you do that 19th take to help you break through that wall

The mentor who gives you the space to feel heard

The agent who says “take your time” when you feel the urge to rush

The best friend who celebrates that little win with you

The partner who holds your face when its covered in salty tears

No human exists outside of connection with others

No artist exists outside of connection with other humans

And no actor builds a fulfilling career without people they love

So…

Here’s a nod to the people you share your time with on this earth

The human beings you invest your energy with as an artist

The people

Your people

Your people

Hope this helps

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