California Dreams

I spent a fair amount of time in LA before the spicy cough arrived

Nine trips over ten years to be exact

Anywhere from three months to ten days at a time

(For some reason they kept getting shorter & shorter - funny that)

But when I think about all of my time spent in California

There is one night which stands out in particular

It involves the most famous actress in the western world

Here we go…

Once upon time

It was 2013

And I had recently been selected as runner-up for the Heath Ledger Scholarship

I was living the LA life

Renting an apartment under the Hollywood sign (Beachwood Canyon represent)

My manager had two clients (John Travolta & myself)

Canyon runs in the mornings

Many hours driving bumper to bumper every day

Constantly prepping for auditions and meetings

Yoga and green smoothies in Los Feliz

Horse riding or surfing in Malibu or San Diego on the weekends

And of course

Partying long into the night

Rinse and repeat

Yeah

Living them sweet Cali dreams

Something which was just part of the routine at that time

Was the Australian actor Saturday night parties

Same people

Same places

Same naughtiness

Every

Single

Week

This one Saturday night

It was theme night

Everyone was to wear white

(Probably something about us being pure in the city of sin)

I remember standing in a white jacket

On the rooftop of a very old famous hotel

Looking up at the big Hollywood sign

Everyone arm in arm

And clicking glasses of champagne

With the usual shouting of

“Wooo!”

“We’re in LA!”

And “We’ve made it!”

A pretty standard Saturday night for this group of Aussies in LA

But something was off about tonight

I had been there for about two months at this point

And it felt strange to be, once again, making the same celebratory noises at a glowing sign

Maybe I was tired

Maybe I was just having an off day

But something interrupted the pattern

And I remember thinking

“Hang on - what are we actually celebrating?”

I was suddenly distracted by my friend who shouted across the rooftop

“Sheasby! Come meet my friend!”

An actress had just walked in

I had heard rumours of this actress

She had just finished filming with Scorsese and DiCaprio

And was well on her way to becoming the the next big thing

For privacy sake let’s call her Margaret Bobbie

Margaret walked in

Was courteous and kind

And left after about 5 minutes

Huh

Yep

She walked in

Said hello

Took a look around

Then left

Now, there is absolutely the probability I’m simply projecting here

But for me that was a little yellow light

The dissonance in my body was pounding

Time to slow down

What was going on?

Why is someone who’s doing great work with great people and getting weekly coaching on her craft

Not interested in hanging with a bunch of actors who spend more time doing substances on the weekend than working on their script for their next audition?

I remember walking to a quiet corner and looking at that grey LA night sky which hardly ever has any stars due to the light pollution

I remember turning around

And I remember seeing everyone smiling and holding their glasses up hollering into the air

And it was the first time on that trip

Where I saw the room differently

Yes, I saw a bunch of actors

But…

Not a single actor was working

Not a single actor was going to class

They enjoyed the lifestyle of being an actor, yes

But I didn’t see the joy of the actual work

I felt really strange

I think, deep down, I knew

There was some teeny tiny part of me that was quite possibly being reflected in who I was surrounding myself with

Kind of like a strange, real life mirror

And sometimes

I don’t always like what I see in the mirror

I remember playing back my time spent in the city up to that point

Mmm

Maybe there was a reason I hadn’t actually landed a single roll yet

I sat down in a beach chair which was conveniently next to me

It had taken two months but I was finally reflecting on what the hell I was doing in LA

Why was I there?

What was I wanting out of the experience?

What did I want to do with the time I had left there?

My thoughts were interrupted

This time a different actor

Alicia

Came and sat down next to me

She asked how I was going

I explained I was feeling pretty strange

About what I had just seen

She responded

“Mike

What the hell

I just saw the same thing”

And a huge sense of relief washed over me

“You saw that too!”

I explained

“Yeah - I feel really weird about it”

Alicia and I sat on those beach chairs

On a roof top

In LA

And discussed what we wanted

We wanted to go to work

We wanted to work with great people

On great material

And contribute the best work we could

To be clear

We were very happy to have a celebration

But there were things higher on the values ladder that we realised were not being taken care of

The conversation ended with Alicia saying

“I think I’m going to go home”

I remember smiling and saying

“Me too”

And with that

Alicia stood up, went home and went to work on an audition she was preparing that week

Which catapulted her into the lead role of a massively successful AMC show which lasted many years

(I actually saw her yesterday plastered on the side of a bus in Sydney for a new show coming out soon - Go Leesh!!!)

As for me

That night in LA

All dressed up in white

I put down the cheap champagne

I walked up to my friend who was in the bathroom

He said “you’re up”

I placed my hands on his shoulders

Told him I loved him

And that it was time for me to go home

I will never forget the look in his eyes

It was like he knew exactly what I actually meant

“I get it”

He responded

We didn't say anything else

We hugged

I walked home

And we never spoke again

That night

I had a long walk in the streets of LA

Listening to the eerie calls of coyotes hunting down their next vulnerable meal

I went back to my couch

Pulled out a Shakespeare audition I had for an upcoming show at the Sydney Opera House

Henry V

And I went back to work

What’s my point?

Sometimes

All I need to do to understand what I’m valuing most

Is to look at my actions

What am I spending my time and energy actually doing?

Drinking champagne in Sin Cty?

Or finding joy in the slow process of contributing meaningful work?

No good, bad, right or wrong

But there is choice

I do have a choice

Hope this helps

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