Acting & Identity

QUESTION:

Hi Sheasby :)

Just want to say how lucky we are to have your newsletter coming through, I still think about your analogy about acting and catching waves daily.

In this current period of my career, I feel like I'm reluctantly swimming back to shore and am trying to figure out how to get back into the water. I moved back to my home state in September, not intentionally, I needed a break to save some money and recalibrate.

But I'm still here, temping full time in the city, terrified that I made a horrible mistake, scared that I cannot make a career here. I miss my friends and the community I started to build in Sydney so I am planning to move back in July.  But in the meantime I'm starting classes down here at an acting school, I am hoping this will get me back into the groove and introduce me to actors down here. 

My questions for you are, how do we move through the world as actors while not doing the job of acting? How do I get up everyday and go to work knowing it's not what I love? How do I stay passionate about my craft when 'booking a job' is starting to feel like a ticket out? 

Thank you so much for taking the time to read, 

I really appreciate what you do.

L-Town (name changed for privacy)

ANSWER:

Great questions

And thank you for the kind words L-Town

Let’s get into it

“Feeling like I’m reluctantly swimming back to shore”

I want to add 3 words to that sentence…

And that’s okay.

Giving oneself permission to give up

For an hour, day, week, month, year

I think is one of the most important things we can do in our chosen field

To me that sounds kind

Like you’re taking care of yourself

And that, to me, sounds sustainable

Which makes you bloody dangerous in the long run.

Moving closer to loved ones

Having some form of security

Taking care of finances

Starting classes to stay in the craft

And creating more connections with humans you resonate with

When I read all these things you’re doing L-Town

I see a young artist who is making hard but important long term decisions

Permission to feel like you’ve made a mistake

Permission to miss your friends and community in Sydney

Permission to feel like a drowned rat as you clamber back onto the shore

Permission to feel what you’re feeling

But when it comes to the doing

L-Town

You are doing it!

Making hard choices makes an easy career in the long run

To me

I read that someone is slowing down now so they can move faster later

Taking care of craft, wealth, connections, community, etc

These are big pillars that will keep you steady within the chaos of our industry

I congratulate you on your journey toward becoming anti-fragile!

This is coming from someone who spent the majority of his first decade in the industry as an incredibly fragile and brittle actor

Everything was acting

And when the storms came

And I hadn’t taken care of my health, wealth, connections, craft etc

When my sole identify was based on me getting the job or not

Or having an audition to work on

When getting a role was seen as my ticket out of my shituation

Poop would severely hit the fan

It took me a very long time

To realise that I was a “when I / then I” kind of actor

“When I get that lead role at the Opera House, then I’ll be happy”

“When I get that big budget movie, then I’ll behave like a real pro”

Nope

Sorry to say

This was not the case

(For me anyway)

I got the opportunities

But I was still miserable

Still complaining

And still frustrated

And because of my habitual self dialogue

Speaking to myself in a “when I / then I” kind of way

Of course

When the opportunities came

My brain stayed the same

My self dialogue didn’t magically adjust

Why?

I was too afraid to go first

L-Town

The whole industry is waiting for you to go first

For you to live the way that’s most important to you

For you to give yourself permission to do things your way

Regardless of getting the job or a big pay check

The fact that you’re taking care of yourself now speaks volumes

I see the majority of actors allowing their behaviour to be dictated by the industry

And I see you as someone who is going first

You are taking care the most important parts (craft, people, wealth, health, etc)

Without getting that big role - which many actors believe will be the magic pill

This leads me to your question

“how do we move through the world as actors while not doing the job of acting?”

I adore this sentence

Because in it

I see myself

I see an actor

Standing at a mirror

Desperately needing that next job

Trying to convince myself or other people

That I’m an actor

Here’s a question back to you, L-Town

How long in-between acting classes or self tapes is too long for you to keep calling yourself an actor?

How long in-between acting jobs is too long for you to keep calling yourself a professional actor?

Weeks? Months? Years? Decades?

At what point does it stop?

At what point have you “failed”?

I want to challenge you on something

The idea

The belief

That you are an actor only when you’re working.

There is not a single actor that I look up to

Who acts every day

Bloody hell!

Now that I think about it

There is not a single actor that I look up to who has even worked professionally as an actor every single year since turning professional

L-Town

I don’t believe you’re only an actor when you’re working as an actor

Or even working regularly as an actor

Acting

Like life

Is grey

Very grey.

Right now

I have zero interest in taking on any acting work for the next few months

I gave everything to a film at the end of last year

And now I have other things igniting my curiosity and that I’m finding meaningful and are simply of priority

And ya know what?

I bet my bottom dollar that in 2 or 3 months after writing this

I will be at cafe, sitting with my little growing family

And I will wobble

Like a big plate of human jelly

I will go quiet

My partner will say

“Hey… where’d you go?”

And I’ll respond

“I feel like I’m no longer an actor”

How bloody normal and understandable that I’ll go there

What’s key to me in those moments

Is that A) I give myself permission to feel what I’m feeling

That if I’m feeling like a washed up actor that no-one knows about and that I will never work again because I haven’t auditioned in months

That that’s okay

And B) To bring it back to what’s most important for me & for now

That’s where it’s grey

That’s where your individual values & desires come into play

So being honest and clear about what’s most important to you for now

Give yourself permission to bring it back to those things.

Back to your question

“how do we move through the world as actors while not doing the job of acting?”

Live

You live

Your way.

You’re an actor

And as an actor

Your job is to provide moments of human connection

So go connect with the world

Go be a human

A messy, struggling grey human.

It boggles my mind how many actors stay in the bubble of this industry

When their job is to portray a human being

The last thing a casting director wants is for another person to walk into that room who’s identity as an actor is more important that being a living breathing soul

The lens sees through right through it.

So go live

Your way

Acting is not going anyway

It is a beautiful craft that will remain for you whenever you want

And the more you dive fully into the experience of life

The more your craft will benefit in those moments when you do choose to return to it.

Hope this helps

X